Tuesday, November 29, 2011
10 years ago today God blessed me with a wonderful creature - Lauren Camille, ladybug. today is ladybug's 10th birthday. at 5:39pm and 17 seconds to be exact. wow. double digits. i'm actually, unexpectedly, having a hard time with it. ok parents of older, multiple kids... how do you handle your children growing up? how do you cope with the fear and anxiety of it all? so far, i've just focused on the positive and deal with whatever else comes up as it comes. i guess that's all i can do. i love her so.
she's a true miracle. i was told i couldn't conceive, let alone actually carry a child to term. i had already lost 2 before her, and once since (as recently as 3 years ago). i was sick for most of my pregnancy. really sick. and amazingly she was just fine. it got to the point where my body couldn't go on any longer, and ladybug was delivered at 32 weeks. a tiny tiny thing who needed no medical support at all. my OB/GYN still marvels at that. and my was she tiny. too tiny for me to touch - even the preemie clothing was too big for her! i was afraid of her. to look at her now, 10 years later, you'd never know she was a preemie. nothing but God.
I Have A Confession To Make:
i love ladybug. lauren camille. i love her. no, I LOVE HER. still no. that's not enough. those words just aren't enough. ok, i just looked up some synonyms for love: adoration, tenderness, affection, devotion, on and on.... nope, still not enough. not enough to truly capture and express what i feel about her. for her.
she makes me feel so many other things as well, that to me all seem to be related to the love and pure adoration i have for her : frustration, passion, fear, frustration, anger, giddiness, fascination, and amazement. and the need to protect her and guard her with my life.
i find that all i want to do is touch her, hold her, kiss her. be near her. smell her, well.... not smell her all the time, she's now 10 after all, lol!. but you get what i'm saying, right? i love her nose, the way she pouches out her lips. i love just watching her. how she 'zones out' when she's totally into a movie. how her eyes truly light up when she's excited. the sounds she makes, hearing her make up a song about birds. watching her play by herself. i love her curly hair (most of the time), and i love it when she asks me questions and is really listening to my answer as if life itself depended on it. i love how she touches me. oh, to watch her sleep. especially that. how many of you check on your kids in the middle of the night while they're sleep? i do. i wake up and creep into her room, and listen for her breathing, a light snore if she's had a full day. if i can't hear her, then i creep closer, carefully though, not to wake her up. and touch her, to make sure, you know? yeah, you do.
and the absolute best thing ever?? when she calls me 'mommy'. there's a particular way she says it that just makes my heart soar. and then there's the way she says it when she's up to no doggone good, lol. and yes, that one brings me joy too.
it's not often that she's up to no good. really. juan and i are constantly wondering if and when the 'other shoe is gonna drop'. she was an easy baby. and easy toddler. and an easy kid. really. she's openly compassionate, caring, thoughtful, and empathetic. if anything, these things get her into trouble at times, because she's so busy thinking of everyone else that she forgets to handle her own business! she's not a whiner, comes home and gets right to her homework without much ado, doesn't complain about taking a bath, and is always looking for ways to help around the house. again - she'd rather help me unload the dishwasher and sweep the kitchen than clean her own room!
now don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those parents who puts their kid on a pedestal, and feels they can do no wrong. ladybug is no angel and can be a real 'pill' if you know what i mean. she's notorious for telling it like it is, and will throw you under the bus in a new york second all in the name of truth. but a truly sweet and gentle soul she is.
i just pray that she doesn't wake up one day and all has changed!
my favorite part of the day is the beginning. in the morning, she gets up and gets in our bed after juan has gone to work, and we laugh, cuddle, giggle, chat, and play before it's time to get ready for school. what a wonderful way for me to start my day! she, for me, is pure joy. it's a love that is total, complete, and all consuming love for my daughter. my joy. my ladybug. mmmmm.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE