more ranting...

*sigh*



had a few doctor's appointments this week. the one we were most concerned with was yesterday, with the surgeon. and i am still not sure how i'm feeling about it all.



he was able to patch up the bone marrow fissures in my right femure, so we'll see if that will help fix the crazy blood counts i've been having (platelets, red and white cells), or not. but we're still not clear as to why the bones are deteriorating so rapidly, which is why i had to have the right hip replaced too. we assumed, rightfullly so, that it was due to all the chemo and steroids that i take.



so, yesterday was the follow up. exactly 5 weeks. i think i mentioned before about the fact that the leg they worked on is now an inch longer than it was before. and i was concerned in the hospital and the surgeon just would'nt hear anything about it. "your swollen" he said. "just waint 4-6 weeks" he said. but now i'm just mad. and sad. why? well, an inch may not sound like alot, but it's huge! it's like walking around all day (permanently) with one high heel shoe on. plus, i walk much worse than i did before the surgery. ok, yeah, i had to walk with a cane, and used a wheelchair from time to time. but now i have to use a walker. the wheelchair is a necessity. i can't even use my cane. my beautiful purple cane.

it's much, much harder for me to walk now. i should have known that something would happen. look at all the crap that happened while in the hospital! hell, i kept postponing the surgery!

so, the surgeon left it by writting me a perscription for a shoe lift for my good side, and a leg brace for my right (bad) side due to something called 'foot drop'. which is now much worse than before...??

that totally pissed me off. ok... i get that i need time to heal, and that it takes me a while to heal because of all the immune suppressing medications. i get that there's really not much that he can do to fix this new issue. but damnit!! at least acknowlege the fact that there's a problem!! sorry goes a long way with me.

yes, i'm leaving out a ton of stuff (geez i wanna cuss so badly!!) that was said and happened at the doctors appointment that would help put a fine point on my frustration, but, i'm afraid that i'm always too long winded. so, in an effort to cut to the chase... just know that there was a bit of rediculousness that occured, that served to make me even more pissed off.

so, if i am to leave it up to this surgeon, i am now walker and wheelchair bound with significant leg length difference and incredible level of discomfort from muscle pulling due to the additional inch, along with foot drop that requires an ugly foot brace. there.

i'm pissed now. and i've given myself until 6pm tomorrow to get over it and start figuring out what the hell i'm gonna do about it.

be well :)