STRUGGLING

The wife of an extremely good friend of mine, Corey - my brother really, passed away unexpectedly the other day, and I am just shell shocked.  

Dear, dear, sweet Allison Clark McDaniel.  

He is my Morehouse Brother. We’ve been through a lot together, grown together, for almost 25 years now. And she my Spelman Sister. They were perfect for each other. Both Class of ’91. Two young boys, the oldest barely a year younger than Ladybug.

She had a seizure in her sleep and just never woke up. Dear Corey found her when her when he went to wake her.

I’m heartbroken. 

Allison began having issues, mainly seizures I believe, a couple years ago and I’m not remembering all the details, but it seemed that they eased for a long while, then kicked back up again a few months ago. She and I talked several times about it over the last year. I don’t think the doctors knew just what was going on; she and I had talked about it several times over the last couple years… she had doctors’ appointments scheduled to begin to find out the day she passed.                     

Struggling here. Truly. Deeply.

I’d almost gotten used to the thoughts and ideas of how it would be for Juan and Ladybug if my diseases run their supposedly inevitable course. Of the news that yet another Lupus/Cancer Warrior whose lost their valiant fight. To the routine of living with the real, up close and personal threat of death…. Like background noise. I have found a way to get on with and lost in my life – the activities of living, managing the minutia, and all that that means, especially with a very active 14 year old, and finding ways to live the way I want to live in spite of.

Til the news of dear, sweet, Allison.

I am wrestling with, really struggling with the fact that I am quite sick. The rheumatologist, the cardiologist, the hematologist, the oncologist, the pulmonologist, and the neurologist seem to delight in reminding me of this on a very regular basis (especially lately). That I shouldn’t be here. That not only should I not be here, living, but should not be functioning as I am. Living as I am. There are so many people around me who supposedly aren’t as sick as I am, don’t have the same severity or level of disease and disease processes, aren’t officially labeled ‘terminal’, and many who clearly look sicker than me… yet die. As a very logical, 1+1=2 kind of person with a deep need for things to make sense and add up, I am unable to reconcile this.

Why? People say God has a plan for me and my life. That there’s work for me to do and people to touch through my testimony.

Honestly? This scares me. Between you and me, I don’t feel worthy. As much as I try to be – staying positive when all I want to do is burn some sh*t down because of the constant pain, my inability to do things like button/zip up my shirt, having to pick and choose what I will do because ANYTHING I do requires an inordinate amount of energy (that I just don’t have most of the time), struggling to remember basic things; by being as pleasant and sweet as I possibly can be to medical staff.

I feel guilty actually. Especially, particularly now.

I suffer from seizures also due to the trifecta of diseases that have descended and attack my brain and central nervous system. They’re definitely better now, but there were times when a good day was 6-10 seizures every day. But again, they’re better. We actually know why. We didn’t yet with dear, sweet, Allison.

She’s gone, I’m still here.

Why? And I just don’t how to reconcile all of this. I get that it may not actually be for me to get. That there’s clearly something bigger at play here than what my ridiculously inept mind is able to grasp. I really want to say something profound and deep, but I just can’t. I am fighting this urge, desire, need to figure it out. I feel I need to so that I can carry on with the fight on for Allison and all those who’ve lost their battle; that I’ll have purpose. But do I really need to understand why I’m left, why I’m still here, in order to continue fighting, living?

I’m struggling here. I really am.

Be well family ♥

Lost & Found

At my amazing surprise birthday party over the past holidays, I reconnected with my college friend and soul mate Marcia. We were at Spelman together during the best (and sometimes hard) times of my life, when I was growing into my own womanhood – well, we both were actually, and were the best of friends; we can’t remember when or how we even became friends! That girl knew her mind, and was unapologetically real and sassy, and made me believe and know that cussing could be elegant and artful. She was my first real grown up female friendship really, and we went through some (BEEEEEP) together. She taught me that young women could be real and genuine friends and sisters to and with each other; that we could support and love unconditionally and not always agree yet still be as tight as a new rubber band, with no side eye’d drama, no jealousy.

Yet, she seemed to always have some drama going on though – boyfriend drama, car drama, work drama, baby drama, financial drama – but she always kept her drama hers. She never allowed it spill over into the relationship, to pull me (or anyone else that it didn’t involve) in to the madness, or to let the relationship become all about the drama (and coming from a background of drama, I appreciated that). She never let it get or keep her down, and she really knew how to keep it moving, through it all, and I can’t even begin to tell you how that affected me. She was the first person in my life who had little to no demands of me, who could figure stuff out for herself, that didn’t want or need or expect fixing. She taught me to allow people to just be who they were, that you could love/care about someone from as is, even if they were crazy… just so long as they and their drama stayed on their side of the street; I could wave at them from my side, lol! She embraced whatever life threw at her, and it seemed to throw more than her share at her, but she handled it, owned her role in it, and kept it moving. I admired that.

Now, we also had a blast!! Some AMAZING times! OMG, She was THEEE (yes… theee) girl to know around Atlanta, and she knew every bouncer, doorman, and bartender at every ‘it’ club in town back then. She was carefree, full of laughter, passionate about who and what she cared about, and truly the original ‘Ride Or Die’ chick. And we were so crazy/good together that my big brother ‘Cedmo’ called us “Thelma and Louise”.

But we very abruptly lost touch due to a horrible marriage that isolated Marcia from all that made her her, just as those kind of dysfunctional, manipulative, sick, and twisted relationships do. She lost herself for a minute, but in true Marcia fashion… found herself again, and she’s only gotten even better. But during those years of disconnect, I searched for her relentlessly, because, you see… she was supposed to be at my wedding. She’s the reason Juan and I are together (a whole ‘nother post, lol!).  She’d had her reservations, but just didn’t show up (thanks to the Ex), and all of a sudden I couldn’t reach her, couldn’t find her, I was worried. So I searched for her. It was like she just fell of the earth. I even hired two different private investigators, on two different occasions and one of them said “the only thing I can tell you for certain is that she’s not dead”.

I held on to that, thinking of and talking about her almost daily, praying for her, her two boys (the first one she had while at Spelman and was like my own child, I was there when both were born), telling ladybug and anyone else who’d listen the exploits and adventures of me and “my crazy friend Marcia”.  While living my life with the huge and unfillable void her absence created was difficult, but I managed by thinking of what Marcia would do or how she’d handle certain situations, and even under what and which circumstances she’d cuss someone out, lol! Oh how I missed my friend. I’d daydream about finding her and reuniting, what it’d be like, how we’d be as true adults with families and careers and… less drama? Lol! But I also worried that we would be the same. I mean, of course we wouldn’t, but well…. I wondered if I had romanticized and idealized our relationship to the point of mystical legend. An unrealistic and unattainable template for ideal female relationships. Actually, that frightened me, assuming I’d ever see her again in the first place.

And don’t misunderstand, I developed some absolutely amazing and priceless relationships and sisterhoods over the years… I’m truly beyond blessed that way, and sometimes feel undeserving. Each one of my friends I actually call sister, are truly my sisters each with our own unique connection and deep bonds that are irreplaceable. It could be all one sided street (my side) because I’ve never had and always wanted sisters, but that’s just how I feel.



At surprise party trying to believe my eyes!

So fast forward to my surprise birthday party this past Christmas. Everyone that I love and care about, with only a few truly missed exceptions, were there. Juan did an amazing job! It was perfection! But the biggest ringer of them all was Marcia. JUAN HAD FOUND MARCIA! I couldn’t believe I was looking at her, holding her, speaking to her. I really thought I was gonna loose it. Honestly, it’s been seven months, with two visits under our belts and I’m still trying to process this. HE FOUND HER!

So, we’ve spent the last seven months talking, crying, visiting, laughing, dancing, catching up, and I kid you not when I say it’s as if the almost twenty years we’ve been apart has never been. Our relationships has grown up with us, even though we’ve been apart. Even though we are so very different, but yet the same. I’m here with her now, my first visit to her place two time zones and several states away, for the last eight days and I just don’t want to go! We’ve done absolutely NOTHING all day! (she’s a middle school teacher off for the summer) Well, we’ve laughed, made cocktails, eaten, cooked, drank, cried, danced, watched movies and cracked each other up. That’s it!  It’s just been too doggone hot to go anywhere, but mainly we’ve just been deep in discovery with no interruptions (like hubby or ladybug when she was visiting me earlier). We’ve each other all to ourselves and it’s been amazing.

As a young woman figuring out that thing called womanhood, I found the courage to be me because of Marcia, and that the me I was back then, and the me that I am today, is perfectly fabulous. I wish every woman young and old, could have a Marcia.

Be well ♥

Me and my 'Meme'

Phenomenal Women

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!

hey y'all!
i hope you all are well. yes, it's been a while, and i'm so sorry that it's been a trend. i was having security issues with blogger, but hoping that they'll be resolved soon. with that said, let's dive in shall we?

in continuing on with what was supposed to be last years theme of being truly honest with myself, and the realization that i'd been hiding from my blog because of it, i realized that i don't talk much about my parents or other immediate family here. well the truth is that it wasn't a 'realization' at all really. i was hiding that part of my life on purpose for various reasons, but nothing deep and dark... at least not to me. (key words here "to me") that was the realization.

i don't have much of a relationship with my mom, and i don't talk much about her here because i know it would bother her deeply. she'd be offended, annoyed, and pissed. i'm sure of that because most of what i'd say wouldn't be flattering, unfortunately. she'd feel that i was revealing all things 'deep and dark', but, again, not to me. it would just be my truth. i'll get in to the in's and out's of all that latter. let's get to the heart of this post, which does has something to do with my mom really.

because of mommy (and dear daddy of course!) my birthday is on christmas, and my immediate family - her, my brother and his beautiful family (wifey and 4 boys!) - gathered to have dinner and celebrate each other and the kids. well, mommy dearest loves drama, so it was a guest as well. and in the aftermath of the drama, i discovered with such certainty something amazing...

that i am a truly blessed woman to have some absolutely amazing women in my life. strong, outrageously funny, beyond courageous, talented, determined, caring, incredibly intelligent, oh so beautiful... i could go on really. i am in awe of them every day. they fill me with joy, happiness, and laughter. they share themselves with me in ways that i am honored. they allow me to see life through their eyes, which gives me such amazing perspective. they comfort me, protect me, mother me, and remind me that i do matter in such a way that it's as if they birthed me themselves. they are some of my loudest and biggest cheerleaders. they are my cousins and friends, but in reality.. they are my mothers and sisters and i'm so thankful for them. i may not talk with them often, or even regularly, but they are loved, and i know they love me. more important, they continue to remind me that being a woman, and a mother, is an amazing thing.

i love you.

end of a season

hello friends!
yes i'm still around, have just had a lot on my plate this summer. no worries, i'm still here! yes, i've had a few health crisis, but all is well! now on to the main event.


what do you say to someone you've considered to be your dearest, closest friend, a friend of more than 20 years, someone you've been through quite a bit with, someone you respect and truly look up to because of what they've survived and how they've managed to put their life together - when they tell you that they no longer know how to be your friend now that you're sick?

ouch.

i was stunned.


now, they didn't actually use those words, but that's exactly what they were saying. now, we'd never been the kind of friends who hung on each others every word, had to be in each others presence constantly, or chat daily. first, i'm not that kind of chick, but mainly, we had trust. and we were the kind of friends where we've always told each other the truth, kept it real, called each other on our 'stuff'. and like many great friendships, a lot has been shared - in good times and bad. i had always felt we had the ideal kind of friendship really. we called when we needed each other, needed support, a break from reality, or a good laugh. my God could we laugh!! especially at ourselves with each other.

we had lost each other for a little while - college, marriage, jobs, and babies happened - we grew up a bit and we somehow managed to find our way back, and it still felt the same, good... at least for me. i was mistaken.

now i really understand the old adage about friendship... something about a season and a reason.

as we were sitting there in the restaurant playing 'what's new with you', the words just rolled off their tongue. it's still a bit fuzzy, but i don't even think there was a moment of awkwardness as they spoke them. i just took it in, as my heart broke.

so what did i say? nothing.

i continued chatting like everything was everything. well, i did ask them a few follow up questions, like what did they mean exactly, when they said what they said. but honestly, the answer just doesn't matter now. it didn't matter then because in that moment i saw the truth - that the friendship was not what i had always thought it to be, and that, for the most part, it was over.
 
it's been about 2 years now, and i often wonder if there was something i did/didn't do. say/didn't say.  or if it was as simple as they just didn't want to be my friend anymore. (maybe because i just don't fit in to their life now? maybe it's just too difficult for them to be a sick persons friend? maybe i'm not who they want/need me to be anymore? maybe i'm not enough/too much?) and if that's the case, then how do you say that to someone who thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread and potato chips? poor thing.

i'm blessed to have some amazing people in my life. true friends really, that will walk through fire for me and my family. this is a blessing because i do know that it's rare to get such true friends like the ones i have. and this has been difficult for me, because it's clear to me that this person has left an unfillable space in my life, that i thought would be filled with all these wonderful people. i'm not sure if that came out right, so i hope you get what i'm trying to express.

so what do you say or do in a situation like this? i've said nothing still, after two years. i just continue to bless them and their family, always wishing them well and cheering for them from afar. 

life goes on. as it should. a reason and a season, right?

be well friends
:)

devestated

my beloved, beloved malik is gone. my friend. my companion. a gentle giant he was. so giving. and he gave til the very end. i asked him, begged him, to wait for me. and he did.

oh my malik.

13 wonderful, fantastic, fun, precious years. every one of them, truly were precious. huge he was. 190 punds of gentleness. even his personality and spirit was big. everyone loved him. were wowed by him. where ever we went people stared, questioned, and enjoyed him, for he truly was different and special. i wan to say all dogs are, as i'm sure, but..... oh my malik.

i'm hurting.

i have so many 'malik' stories. a few of them incredible. like when juan and i first got married. we bought our house just as we got married, we had not one stick of fruniture when we got back from our honeymoon. we had all the utility people scheduled to come in one day, about 5 of them, including the cable guy, he we last. well, when the cable guy came, malik went ballistic as soon as the guy rang the door bell. and wouldn't stop until i came outside with him. the cable gy kept asking me to come upstairs with him, insistant, urgent. but i was more concerned with why my extremely low key, never make a fuss, rarely barking, non dog like dog, was making such an uncharacteristic fuss. malik refused to let me close to the door, standing between me and it, while watching the balcony. when the guy came back down, malik pushed me back. the guy finally left, and malik calmed down as soon as he cleared the house. the moment the guy got in his truck (i could see he truck from my backyard where i was), i got a call from the cable company telling me that 'their' guy was stuck in traffic and would not make it. the police said that he had struck several times, robbing and assaulting their victims. this is not the first time malik has saved me.

the tears. i thought i had no more.

my friend. he kept me sane these last few years in dealing with my health. just me and him. he knew me. like in my head knew me. i've give a thought to this or that, usually a stubborn one - should i take my meds because i'm tired of popping pills; oh yeah, i can do the stairs one more time; sure, i can jump in the T5 and run to the store, real quick... no one will know. just a look from him as he lays on the floor, or a huff, a funky vocal thing as he did - yes, he's one of those dogs that thought they could talk. and he always let you know what was really going on! especially if his food is not right. oh god that damn dog. i often wondered how that could be. he's just a dog. no, he really wasn't. not to me.

he really was juans dog. i flew all the way out to georgia, then had to drive about 3 hours outside of atlanta to get the the breeder. juan had arranged everything, but it was up to me to pick the dog. we weren't married yet, but already had two dogs - juan already had a siberian husky-hawke, and i had a chocolate cocker - hershey. juan had always wanted a malamute actually, but had settled for a husky initially. he had already had hawke for several years. anyway, i got to the breeder and just didn't expect the puppies to be so big. they were huge! malik was the runt, and i picked him because he was the only puppie that would fit in hershey's carrier...barely! but also, he was the only one that wasn't puppie-like. he was in a corner, clearly not wanting to be bothered. truly in his own world, and really couldn't give a damn about showing off. well, that was malik. full of attitude. but in a very good way. i have so many malik stories, i'm bursting.

yes, he started out as juan's dog. but quickly became mine. mine. my dog. actually, he, juan, and hawke asked me to marry them. the 3 of them got down on one knee. again with the stories.

he was ready to go though. he was sick too. in february we found out that he had cancer as well, yet there was lots of hope. we could do surgery, and that for sure would give him at leat a few more years. i had a forboding with the surgery for some reason, and decided to just take it a month at a time. he still had such pep and vigor... just like a teenager as my mommy dearest always said about him. and he kept it til just recently. the bond we have, i felt, knew, he would tell me when it was time. and he did. eventhough i knew, i still wasn't ready. to let him go....

yesterday morning juan came upstairs and said call the vet. he could walk. i heart fell. some in juans voice. reminded me of hawke. no. i called. juan knew to give me little details as i spoke. for i was upstairs, they were down. he got him to the garage from the inside teh house (it rained thenight before). got the appointment for later that afternoon. the vet said that it may just be time for the surgery. that's all.

no, i didn't feel right. actually, all morning, and the before night. i couldn't take it not seeing him. i had to lay my eyes on him. i can't walk either, yet i somehow raced down the stairs, got to my walker, and somehow out to the garage. he heard the clanging of my damn walker and he didn't even get up for me. he always got up for me. ALWAYS. and he couldn't. no. on a towel next to him i layed. i began to ask him if it was time. the moment he looked up at me, i saw his eyes...and i knew. yes. it was time.

more, more tears. still.

the wave of pain hit and i lost it. i held him hard. he knudge me and huffed. he always knew when i was in pain. oh the pain. i held him. stroked him. talked to him. i told him that it's ok. i'm really ok. he had waited for me long enough. he could go.

i called everyone that i knew would want to say good bye. my beloved shannon came so quick and in a hurry, that my heart lept. i burst truly as soon as i saw her rush to me. she loves malik like her own. knows malik almost as i. she was the only one i truly trusted to take care of him when we traveled. he loved her too. really. i would get jealous (kidding) sometimes because he'd get so happy whenever she came by. she'd give me a hug,of course, but would immediately go to see her big guy. whenever she got a new dog, she'd bring them over so he'd break them in, so to speak. malik was never agitated by any other dog. amazing really. do not under estimate him though. he'd still act a fool, an ugly one too, but only when necessary. amazing.

shannon carressed him, wiped his eyes, talked to him. loved him. loved him with me. cried with me. let me fall apart. let me confess selfishly that i'm not ready for this. that i can't do this. i could'nt for a while. she talked to the vets for me. explained things. came up with a few great ideas. she actually had somewhere else to be. she's amazing, and i'm beyond blessed by her.

she left, and i was alone with my guy. i held him, tight. cried more, he nudged me more. i talked to him more. and was just quite with him. i pulled hair off of him. my goodness his hair!! it will be with us for forever!

my mom came, and i cried some more. she was surprisingly great. only a few annoying and akward moments. juan texted to say he was on his way back, so i had to change clothes. she stayed with him while i went, and tried to get up, to follow me. but he yelped in pain as he struggled to be with me. and he kept trying, damn stubborn dog. i had to command him "malik, no". "down!". "stay!". oh my heart was breaking. to the last, he loves me.

juan and ladybug came back from the school oktoberfest and i changed clothes to head to the vet. mom stayed with us the whole time. mainly to keep ladybug distracted. mom helped juan get malik in the car. he LOVED being in the car (more stories there, i mean really funny stories!), and my only regret is that his last ride wasn't in the T5. he loved it. the vibration of it's engine and only wanted to layon the floorboard to feel it. he didn't care to stick his head out the window. that's how much he loved it.

i lost it again when juan and the vet tech broght my guy in on a stretcher. i'm ritght behind them with my damn walker. on the exam table he is, and i'm right there. the vet comes. i'm holding hin. stroking him. telling him it's ok. he's ready. how much i love him. thanking him for all he's done for me. for me. his love for me. i talked him over. felt him as he went. he went. he went loved. oh so very loved.

my heart is completly broken and i am devestated. as glo said, "oh, the price of love".

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the endAnd hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.I know in time you will agreeIt is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be youWho has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.



god bless you malik. thank you for loving me. i love you.

oh the joy of a child, thank you glo

for christmas hubby and i (more me than him) had decided at the last minute that ladybug should have a doll house. something that every little girl should have, if possible. we, or i, came to this conclusion one day about a week or so before christmas when i was struck at how non-little-girly our beloved daughters room was.

now, don't get me wrong. she has the girly bed and all the trimmings from potterybarn kids, a fantastic custom closet were she has a mini library of books and an decent assortment of dvd's (both educational and for entertainment), a computer, a very few nic nacs, and clothes. her bathroom is barely girly as well. what's missing?

dolls and a doll house for them to stay.

other than the one culturally accurate 'groovy girl' that she's had since she was 2 or 3, there was no doll life in existance. from the moment we knew we were having a little girl, i declared our house a babrie free zone. so i guess because of that, teh whole doll world, and what goes with it, just slipped my mind. we are'nt big toy parents in general. we've been described as giving ladybug a pencil and a blank sheet of paper and told her to 'have at it'. no, not really. we just feel that there it's not necessary to have tons or toys.

i'll ever forget the time when i had orderd her this really neat leapfrog toy that finally came. so we got all excited when the ups guy rang teh doorbell! we opened the box and ... WOW!! LOOK!! this great toy!! she could have cared less about the toy, she spent the nedt 2 weeks playing heartily with the box is came in. yep. she was 3. and she's still like that. so, between having several of those experiences, and just not being into having tons of toys, the doll thing just fell through the cracks.

so now, here we are, a week from christmas. it was all i could do to find an african american barbie doll, and the doll house, any doll house? forget about it!! and we did. well, sort of. it was always in the back of my mind.

then, glo to the rescue!! the very week that i began to search for a doll hoouse as a back to school present, glo emailed me to ask if we could use her daughter's old doll house. how fantastic is that?!? how thoughtful and loving glo is. she really truly is. i am so bleesed.

we surprised ladybug with it last friday and i almost cried from watching her joy and happiness. really. she is trully in heaven with it. i got up the other night around 2:30am to go to the bathroom and i could hear this funny cling clack sound coming from her room. she was up in teh middle of the night playing with her doll house! i just wish glo could see how happy ladybug really is with her thoughtful and loving gift.

thanks glo, i love you :)

OMG!! BABZ DAY!!!

hey everyone!

i'm so blessed! i have made some wonderful, wonderful friends through this blogosphere world, and i am so thankful.

one in particular has become just a wonderful spirit in my life is lovebabz. like my girl glo, we connected devinely by chance and, for me at least, it was love at first speak. she is nothing but love and strength and courage to me.

well, she came this way for the BlogHer conference held in san francisco weekend before last. and i'm awful for only just now posting about this! the original plan was that we were to attend the conference together along with sharing the hotel room. FUN!!! well, there were grave mixups on my end ( i am NOT going to talk about it! lol!) and that didn't happen. you have no idea how upset and sad i was. no idea at all.

she said "don't worry about that, it's in the past. it's done". she had a good point, and i knew that to be true, but... i was still pissed! whatever.

anyway, we got it together and went on with the the last part of our original plan, which was to spend sunday together. YAY!!

hubby and ladybug drove me in to the city to pick her up at the hotel, and i played tour guide whle babz played tourist. she hopped into the drivers seat of my beloved lil black T5... yes, she drove my T5. that's how much i love her!!

how jealous are you?!?

so we drove around the city with me pointing things out, she drove us across the golden gate bridge, then throught marin. he hit my house for a breaher and to pick up my camera. then i gave her a brief tour of my little village hamlet that's just 20 minutes north of the city in the east bay. then we headed into oakland for some soul food, and she got to meet my daddy and one of his cadre of character acquaintences. babz watched me pig out, then we headed back home. i was exhaused, truth be told. i realy wanted to get her around oakland more. but next time.

how jealous are you?!?

so we headed back to the 'ponderosa' (my house), to exhale again and chit chat. oh it was soooo good to have my babz with me, live and in living color! we sat on my beloved comfy blue sofa and laughed and talked and giggled. she got to see the mess of all my crafting in my diningroom, my dog, and all the things surrounding my as i communicate to you. just blessed!

how jealous are you?!?

lastly, my 'lil sister shannon came by to take babz back to the hotel. happiness. sadness. it wasn't enough. i'm not ready. bittersweet.

but still. i got to lay hands and eyes on, and be blessed by my babz. i love you.

more than a neighbor

many of you know by now that i am absolutely crazy about stamping and scrapbooking, and have now created a seperate site just for my madness. well, through this new love of mine, i am discovering a wonderful group of friends that i am so thankful to have.

one of which is patty. this lady's creations are just amazing! if i could be one fourth as creative as she is then i'd be satisfied. outside of stamping, laughing and having fun, we share passion for some of the same things like photography, flowers, family, friends, and faith. hmpf. funny how that worked :) along with patty are my 'sisters' in ink, sharon and ellen, and we always have a blast when together. i thank them for their prayers.

here's a pretty card patty sent me when i started this last round of chemo. it's a picture of one of her beautiful flowers from her garden, which i'm currently coveting due to my own backyard garden fiasco, along with some wonderful 'reminders'.

thanks patty, sharon, ellen, and all my stamp family.

be well :)