guilt? sure. but not for this.

for the fist time ever, i used my health as an excuse, and i feel badly about it. guilty. i didn't actually lie about my health - "i can't make it because i have a doctor appt"; "i'm just not feeling well" - no, i just let this someone believe my absence was due to my health. because this someone has a vested interest in my health, me not doing well in particular, the deception wasn't too hard actually. i know that seems morbid.

so why did i do it? i just didn't want to deal with this someone. a key someone. a someone i have to deal with on a regular basis for both personal and professional things. yes, there's history here. this someone has always been a pill, but is now extremely difficult to interact with and in the most basic of ways.  getting a simple question answered without it becoming a one way fussing session about absolutely nothing, or a half-assed attempt at gaslighting, and/or then ending with me getting thrown under the bus.

at times this someone seems to be downright hostile towards me and i'm honestly at a loss for why. i've stopped wondering, hell, i've stopped caring really because i don't put up with bullshit from this or any of the other particular someones. especially ridiculous, no rhyme or reason, manipulative, "what the hell are you talking about?!" bullshit. life is truly just too short.

yes, i used my health as an excuse. no, i've actually never done it before, for any reason. honestly. it's a kind of taboo for me. like the third rail of the chronic/critical/terminal illness rule book. so yes, i did use my health as an excuse. and i do feel a bit guilty for doing it. but not for why i did it.

be well ♥