Tuesday, February 22, 2011

hey y'all!

hope your weekend was a great one. it was rainy and cold, the kind of days to do nothing because it's just too messy, light a fire, curl up with hot chocolate and read a book days. so i loafed around, procrastinating and skipping out on things i should have been doing - like chores, helping juan fold clothes, and washing ladybugs hair. i love her hair, but HATE washing it. it's beyond curly - as soon as i brush it out, it curls right back up as if it never know a brush or comb.

anyway, sunday i had to made a quick run to trader joes for a bag of lentils to go with dinner, and as usual, the parking lot was like a motorcross obstacle course. people totally not paying attention, doing their best to beat out the other for a good parking spot. fake smiles of acknowledgment as people rush to get to where ever they were going. i noticed a bit of a traffic jam as i headed to my T5, and just as i fell in into it and began to get settle for my drive back home, a young man walked up to the passenger side and tapped on the window - he really startled me. his car had stalled, the reason for the traffic jam, and asked if i could give him a jump, he had his own cables. a weird feeling came over me, and i looked him straight in the eye as i said "i'm so sorry you're stuck, unfortunately i can't help, i've got to get back...". he thanked me and flagged down an oncoming truck. i paused before backing out to see if he would help him.... nope. then as i made my way around to the exit/entrance, which was where the guy was stuck, i cased to see if anyone was helping... no luck.

the light changed and as i pulled off, an overwhelming feeling of guilt and abandonment came over me. i felt so bad, and it continued through the day, so i tried to figure out what that was about. why didn't i help someone in need. for no good reason really? that's not me. it drives juan crazy that i go out of my way to help people, if i can.

was it because it was cold and raining? that's not stopped me before. was it his appearance? that he looked a bit hoodlum-ish, as well as his car? again, that's not stopped me before. i didn't know, and it bothered me. so i thought on it for a while, and came to the conclusion that it had to me my instinct telling me to 'get'. for whatever reason, it wanted me, needed me, to get home.

did something bad happen later? like one of those crazy stories of coincidence? not that i know of. hey, who knows why i didn't stop to help. but i do know that i listened to my instinct, and 'got'! listening to it is something that can be so hard to do. learning when to and when not to heed it can be such a challenge,  especially us women.

we don't know what this universe holds for us and figuring out how to release it's blessings is an ongoing journey, but one of the keys, i feel, is our instinct, and learning to trust it.

just like faith.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

i'm back.....yes, again, lol!

well hey there!

how's things? i meant to post on valentine's day, to let you all know that i was sending love. i hope you all had a day full of love...i did!

so, yes, i'm back and SO MUCH has happened to where i would say to myself "ooh, i'm gonna blog this!", but yet there's still the same 'ole, same 'ole. everyone is well - juan and ladybug. she joined the 4th grade volleyball team at school, and began tennis and is turning out to be a natural athlete - like her mommy! yes, she's still running track and the season (along with the scheduling madness) has started. she did decide to drop girl scouts, of which i was disappointed, but totally understand why. with her schedule, she just didn't have the time, plus, she loves the other activities more than GS. and as for juan..? well, he's still chasing me around, trying to make me 'behave'. so no, not much has changed in that area!

as you see from my previous post, i was hospitalized for most of the fall, from early september to mid december, initially for my lung disease flaring up (pulmonary fibrosis), then that lead to a lung infection which kept me in isolation for two whole weeks - i could not leave my room and visitors were restricted to just immediate family for 14 days! yes, i was able to see my beloved ladybug practically daily, even though she was on the 'restricted list' because children are cootie factories, but thank God for the nurses - they just looked the other way!
for ladybug, this is one of her favorite places! mainly because the nurses spoil her rotten!

this was my 'home away from home'.

speaks for itself.

this is the monstrosity that cycles the blood/bone marrow and plasma in and out of my body. it's like dialysis in a way

i tried to capture the plasma and marrow going in/coming out. it's all heated too!

this is some of the plasma and blood product meds they treated me with over the 3 weeks

it wasn't all smiles

this contraption protruding from my neck is called a 'pigtail', and it's how all the blood/marrow and plasma gets in and out

the nurses love ladybug so much, and we spend so much time there, that they give her gifts!

juan's bed - yes, he stayed with me most nights. he and ladybug spent weekends

but i'm doing so much better now. the battle is still raging on though, just not at the previous levels. i was in the middle of a course of chemo last month when i suddenly and dramatically began to loose my hearing, to the point that i'm wearing a hearing aid. the docs aren't sure what's going on and are totally dumbfounded - i'm feeling sorry for my ENT specialist because you can see the frustration and desire to fix this for me (he's in love with ladybug) in his eyes and face. well, at least i can hear something - better than nothing. the benefits are that i can hear ladybug or juan being a little smart asses when they think i can't hear them - busted, lol!

overall, i'm on the mend and looking for some trouble to get myself into, lol!
  so please stay tuned, because ....I'M BACK!