Sunday, June 28, 2015

The Disappation of Guilt


And again, it’s been awhile. And again, I find myself feeling guilty for being so absent, especially when there’s so many of you who’ve loved, cheered, and prayed me through so many wonderful, tough, hilarious, and scary times. And even more so since there’s been so many amazing and challenging developments the last year that I know you all would have loved to have been clued in on.

I think I’ve figured out why I disappear... I sit down to start writing, then start thinking about all that I didn’t write about, feeling like I need to catch you up, then I start feeling guilty, and overwhelmed. The other, which I suspect may play more of a role then I’m wanting to admit, is figuring out just how much I want to expose. I myself have no problem with that… I’m an open book, so to speak. However, I find myself being more concerned about and sensitive to those close to me, and whether they’d want their business in the street, even though it’d be from my point of view, or wondering if I’m hurting their feelings. There. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell.

But I don’t have time for guilt, or to be tip toeing around peoples feelings; as much as I do wrestle with it. Heck, other than Ladybug (‘LB’) and the Hub (my husband), most of “those close to me” don’t even know I have a blog. But, you never know…  

Anyway, I am back… yet again. And even though I have a lot of exciting things that I’m working on, and a lot going on (Ladybug is heading to high school!! ongoing health challenges, new business opportunities), I promise… I am here to stay.
So much beauty and adventure on the horizon and I'm excited...  

Be well

Friday, February 20, 2015

The Lenten Season Is Upon Us

Ahh, Lent. A time of sacrifice, fasting, moderation, reflection... I love this time of year.

Being raised Catholic (my whole life), and Baptist concurrently, I grew up with a unique perspective and connection. As both a practicing Catholic and someone who also regularly attends a non-Catholic (Christian-Methodist-Episcopal Church) church and bible study, I still have it. For a while I didn't practice Lent at all. For a while I practiced out of obligation, duty, because it was what I was supposed to do. Each year I made my pretty standard list: eat less junk food, cut down on the TV/technology, etc... But one year, when Ladybug was in 3rd or 4th grade, it just changed for me. And the irony is that Lent was the reason why it changed. That year I decided to truly give it my all. To make it really about something meaningful, not just doctrine and dogma. I studied what it should really be about, how to use the time to develop and deepen my spiritual connections. And with each year, I got more and more from Lent.

Two years ago my spirit was so uneasy and disconnected. I was really looking for change, for renewal, for connection. My spirit was crying out for it. That time, I decided to not only focus on the connection through my sacrifices, the things I'd withhold, my "take-aways", but also on the what I could "add", or contribute to deepen my connection. Lent 2013 was amazing, and thus started our new family tradition of 3 things (or more) we give up as individuals and as a family, and 3 things (or more) we add as individuals and as a family.

For example, as a family we'd only watch TV on certain days/times, and an 'add' would be to end each evening in family prayer. An individual sacrifice would be to give up my cranberry juice, and an add would be to walk 3 times each week. Usually that Sunday through Fat Tuesday we would figure out what our adds and take-aways will be; sometimes I'll pick one or two for Ladybug if I'm not feeling her choices, but the bottom line we do it together as a family. However, I'm getting more push back this year; I think it has something to do with her turning 13 a couple months ago, lol!

Anyway, I have a lot going on, chewing on a few things... which always seems to be the case - I guess that's life, huh? At least I'm not chewing on the same things, lol! Well, some things have regurgitated (oooh, sorry for that analogy!), and seem to be multi-course meals (I know, I know... I just couldn't resist, lol!!). I feel so strongly, and I see so clearly that God has called me to some amazing things, and the Capricorn in me is struggling with it - the logistics and execution (as always, lol!). As with 2 years ago, my spirit is stirring, uneasy with all that lay ahead of me; with all that I want to accomplish; with all that I must deal with day to day; feeling like I need to figure at least some of it all out.

I had gotten my list all worked out, but some other things have come up this week that has me rethinking it. As much as I'd like to post it here now, I'll have to get back to you with it. Similar to 2013... I was a few days into Lent, and this new revelation hit me. Hmmm....  so, as usual, stay tuned!


Yes... I'm looking forward to this Lenten Season, praying that it will provide me with connection, clarity, revelation, and so much more. I'm excited.

Be well










Friday, January 30, 2015

Ended With a BANG!


Hey Hey Hey!

Well, yes, as usual, it's been a while! I promise you I don't mean to be away for such long stretches. And I've been beating myself up over this too, trying to figure out why, because I haven't been very ill, and even though I've been busy, I haven't been THAT busy, lol! I sit down at least 3 times each week to write about something interesting that happened, or thoughts I have that I'd like to share with you all or get your feedback on, and then I get overwhelmed because I fell I have to catch you up on all the happenings, or there's so much I want to share with you that panic sets in and I turn into a complete chicken! This makes me feel just awful because I know I have lots of wonderful followers who care and are concerned about me, and I'm so very thankful for that.

However, I did figure it out..... FACEBOOK!! Yes, I've been cheating on you all with FB; it has become my blogging mistress! And I'm not even on it that much, but it sucks up what little social media energy I have, lol! So there. I'm sorry. I am working on a shared custody plan.

*********************

That man of mine... AMAZING.
So, let's get down to business. I'm not going to bother with the whole catch up thing because other than funny ladybug stories and interesting anecdotes, there's not been much going on. let me tell you what beloved hubby did for me!!!!

HE THREW ME A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! YES!! I AM STILL IN DREAMLAND!


The moment I hit the door everyone yelled "SURPRISE!!!
I'd been talking about throwing one for myself for years, and wanting to for even longer. Well, Dear Hubby got tired of hearing me whine and kvetch, and did it. And did it with a BANG!! Such class and elegance. As anal as I am, I really couldn't have done it better myself!

He'd been planning for TWO YEARS! The last nine months or so I'd began to worry and wonder what the heck was going on with him - he was 'here' but not. He felt disconnected from us as a family unit. Projects around the house began to fall by the wayside. He was grumpier than usual, lol! But I did know that something was up because every time I looked up, he had my cell phone. He would ask me questions that were out of character for him. I only became suspicious when he started asking me all sorts of questions about Face Book.... HE HATES FB!!!! lol!


Me and my Pops - He's always clean!
the loves of my life
Anyway, there's so many little details, funny things that happened along the way, that I just can't tell it all here AND give pics all in this one post. At one point, Juan's car broke down at my moms house, while he was there to collect old pictures of me for a tribute video he put together and he car broke down. Well, he couldn't call me to come get him, nor let the insurance for the tow! He had to have his car towed to my fathers office, where we just happened to have a client with an auto repair shop RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET!! And all the lying that took place from friends and family who know all along .... Oh, it was just comedy!



Me giving a great friend "The Eye" for covering up, LOL!

Juan filled the night with all sorts of wonderful touches and tributes that just had me on the floor all night. Honestly, my eyes are STILL swollen from all the crying! Then the icing on the cake is that Juan tracked down one of my most dearest friends from college, whom I'd lost contact with due to a crazy (ex thank God) husband. I never stopped thinking of her, praying for her, and her 2 amazing little boys. She really taught me the true meaning of friendship, unconditional love, courage, sisterhood, being true to yourself, strength, authenticity and so much more.

My beloved "Sis" who drove Xmas day FROM NEW YORK!

The bottom line is that, together with his amazing family - his mom, sister, sister-cousins and aunt - Juan pulled off an amazing party! Everyone that matters most to me was there, and those that wanted to be there but just couldn't make it (like my beloved Babz and Cap), were there in spirit. I am still in awe of all those who traveled (and were willing to travel) over the holidays, some in bad weather, some actually spent part of Christmas day driving hundreds of miles! I still can't believe my beloved brother and his wife actually got on a plane and traveled cross country for me! I felt so much love, there was so much love in that hotel ballroom, that I am still so very overwhelmed, flattered, feeling unworthy, and humbled. Most of all.... I AM THANKFUL.

I AM BLESSED.


Our dearest friends Jim and Crystal

I'll have more pics and stories of the party coming soon....

Be well




Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Catchup Time !



Hey, hey, hey!! Oh man have I had so much going on in my life recently! So many things on my plate, that I haven’t known whether to wind my butt or scratch my watch! WHEW!!! But things have finally quieted down a bit, or as much as they can with the holidays on the way. Well, let’s get you all caught up, or as much as I can in just this post. 

The hubby and ladybug are doing well. She’s growing like a weed, literally. We’re currently in the throws of high school applications, entrance exams, and test prepping. Oh the decisions we must make on her behalf has been a bit overwhelming for me. It’s critical that we find the right place for her, well, that goes without saying, right? But why ‘critical’? Because I’ve finally gotten her ‘issues’ figured out. She has Central Auditory and Visual Processing, and Executive Functioning disorders. Two different disorders, not classified as actual learning differences, but definitely significant challenges. And it’s been a struggle and a journey that we’re still on; yes we’ve figured out the what, but we’re now trying to figure out the how in order to help her. I’ll get more into that later.
As for my health… it’s been a great near two years of no big issues! Yes, I’ve have a few minor hiccups, but things had been going well till the summer. I was hospitalized in July because I ‘failed’ my high level blood thinner, which I should not have done because of the nature of the medication. This resulted in my blood clotting severely. It was rather dramatic actually, ladybug had to call 911 for the first time and it scared the shit out of her; she struggled to actually dial the number. I had to talk her through it – I took her in my arms and reminded her that she’s seen and been through much worse, so dialing three little numbers where’s there’s help on the other end is something she can absolutely do! And she did! She pulled herself together and completed the call better than we had practiced time and time before! I am so proud of her!! There’s a lot of health related stuff going on, so I’ll post a health update next week.

It’s been busy in my work life too! As you know I’m a certified life coach and for the last several years I’ve only been dealing with clients one on one. I used to do workshops and seminars, or be invited to speak, participate in panel discussions, or be the keynote, and it’s been a long while since I’d done any workshops or seminars. I began having issues around my own confidence, mainly due to my health/neurological issues. Well, I recently held my own, my very own Life Skills Workshop recently, and although it was harder than I thought it would be, seeing as I’d done this more than dozens of times before, I got through it better than I thought I would! And I’m continuing on scheduling more next year… I’ll keep you posted! 

Well, I don’t want this post to go too long, so there’s a quick and recent snapshot of what’s been going on. Stay tuned.

Be well

Friday, October 3, 2014

We're The Bomb.Com!

Today is my wedding anniversary and I’m going to
let you in on some of my random thoughts and feelings about him, about us, and
just some of how he is…






Wedding on the beach at sunset in Ocho Rios



So where do I start? That first, I am in love with my husband. I love him. I truly do. And it has nothing to do with the familiarity sometimes sets in over the years. He’s the strong silent type - physically, emotionally, and character and that’s so sexy to
me. And I know he loves me, adores me without question. All of me. COMPLETELY. I
don't have to hide who I am or dim my own light. He kisses my boo-boos. He believes… no, he knows I can do anything. He thinks I’m pretty damn hot. I think he is FOINE. We flirt with each other…. A LOT.
I am his queen and he is my king. He is my biggest fan and loudest cheerleader. My personal bodyguard and protector. I don’t ever have to worry. He knows that I
trust him to lead our family because he knows I have his back in the most fiercest of ways. We trust each other with our lives.


Musee D'Orsay Paris 2008

I love it when he sees me struggling to make it
up the stairs. He comes behind me and whisks me up in his arms, quietly,
gently. Yes, he’s sexy to me, still after 23 years. And I am to him. Don’t get me started about the lovemaking…. Yeah, still. Even after 23 years. “Dayum!”‘Nuff
said.


I love the way he looks at me when he thinks I
don’t see him.
I love how hard he works for us. Though not the best communicator, he’s tender and loving. He
loves our daughter in the way a dad should - active, engaged, and concerned. He combs her hair almost better than I can, and I love the way he looks at and
watches her. He loves to laugh, sometimes too much, and always looks for the bright side no matter how pitch black it actually is. I love that he tempers me
like chocolate and helps me get and stay balanced, sometimes with just a glance my way. A patient student, he allows me my mistakes while I figure out how to show him how to love me. He really does listen, even though he ignores most of what I say. He does not suffers fools, believes in femininity yet loves a strong woman. Has no problem donning an apron or hand washing my bras.







In first class on an Air France flight 2011



I love it when he works in the yard, or on the cars. I love his arms. His shoulders. His legs. I love cuttin his hair with clippers or shaving him with a straight razor and cream. I love his 3 o'clock shadow. I love when he gets in
someone’s ass for being disrespectful. That bass in his voice.... yes.




We’ve been through it these last several years with my health. I mean things that would rip most marriages apart, but yet we are only stronger; we love and
appreciate each other more and more. He can be amazing. 

Again, he is not perfect. I am not perfect. However, we are truly perfect together (most of the time, lol!!).  




Happy Anniversary to US!



 













Thursday, February 20, 2014

More Truth Talk



OHHH.....MY....GOWWD!! I am so over people, some are clients, but particularly so called 'friends' and other people I know who like considering me their friend so they can call me for 'help', then won't/don't take it and/or want to argue with me as to why they're right or justified.  YOU called ME. You only seem to call me when u want or need something, then you actually expect me to perform Johnny on the spot because it's URGENT, or YOU are up against a deadline. REALLY?

Oh, don't get it twisted, I DO say NO, and to most, so now I’m down to just a few 'usual suspects', and I’m seeing now that it's just not worth it. It’s a one way street. Oh sure, "you're the best life/career/love/financial coach ev-uhh". But that's all I get really (well, and a thank u from some). No referrals. No "is this a good time?", or “can I do anything for you?", or "do you need anything?" kind of consideration. Oh sure, some give me the perfunctory "how are u?" or "what's new?"...you know, to make it look good. But don't let me think their call was a serious attempt at just conversation - they rush me on and quickly launch into why they really called.

I’ve had one too many calls today from people like this, always wanting to pick my brain. But I can't be mad at them, really, because it’s my fault. Yep. Because I’ve allowed my loyalty, compassion, and desire to help (“Captain Save-A-Client/friend/relative”… it runs in the family) cloud my judgment. But I see clearly now that just because they’re not obvious takers- intentionally taking advantage, or manipulative, or that I may be the only one they know who knows about what they need help with (this is a big one!), doesn’t mean they’re still not taking. And I’ve been allowing it.

So please, DON'T CALL ME TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT or AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT ANYTHING unless you're calling to see what YOU can do FOR ME (like send me PAYING REFERRALS), or discuss the merits of a great wine/beer, the use of cream and real butter, or the unctuousness of a good Marsala sauce.