this blog is about me. my truth. my
honesty & sometimes my denial. my experiences. my emotions,my highs and lows. as raw and open as i can be. just me. my health battles (whaddiya mean terminal??!!). my journey to discover my authentic self before time runs out. my evolution. the random thoughts that cross my mind, and the goings and comings of my sometimes hectic and not always interesting life! so grab a cuppa tea/java, or a glass of wine, get comfy, and vist for a while!
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Lost & Found
At my amazing surprise birthday party over the past holidays,
I reconnected with my college friend and soul mate Marcia. We were at Spelman
together during the best (and sometimes hard) times of my life, when I was
growing into my own womanhood – well, we both were actually, and were the best
of friends; we can’t remember when or how we even became friends!
That girl knew her mind, and was unapologetically real and sassy, and made me
believe and know that cussing could be elegant and artful. She was my first real
grown up female friendship really, and we went through some (BEEEEEP) together.
She taught me that young women could be real and genuine friends and sisters to
and with each other; that we could support and love unconditionally and not
always agree yet still be as tight as a new rubber band, with no side eye’d
drama, no jealousy.
Yet, she seemed to always have some drama going on though –
boyfriend drama, car drama, work drama, baby drama, financial drama – but she
always kept her drama hers. She never allowed it
spill over into the relationship, to pull me (or anyone else that it didn’t
involve) in to the madness, or to let the relationship become all about the
drama (and coming from a background of drama, I appreciated that). She never
let it get or keep her down, and she really knew how to keep it moving, through
it all, and I can’t even begin to tell you how that affected me. She was the
first person in my life who had little to no demands of me, who could figure
stuff out for herself, that didn’t want or need or expect fixing. She taught me
to allow people to just be who they were, that you could love/care about
someone from as is, even if they were crazy… just so long as they and their
drama stayed on their side of the street; I could wave at them from my side,
lol! She embraced whatever life threw at her, and it seemed to throw more than
her share at her, but she handled it, owned her role in it, and kept it moving.
I admired that.
Now, we also had a blast!! Some AMAZING times! OMG, She was THEEE
(yes… theee) girl to know around Atlanta, and she knew every bouncer, doorman,
and bartender at every ‘it’ club in town back then. She was
carefree, full of laughter, passionate about who and what she cared about, and
truly the original ‘Ride Or Die’ chick. And we were so crazy/good together that
my big brother ‘Cedmo’ called us “Thelma and Louise”.
But we very abruptly lost touch due to a horrible marriage
that isolated Marcia from all that made her her, just as those kind
of dysfunctional, manipulative, sick, and twisted relationships do. She lost
herself for a minute, but in true Marcia fashion… found herself again, and
she’s only gotten even better. But during those years of disconnect, I searched
for her relentlessly, because, you see… she was supposed to be at my wedding. She’s the reason Juan and I are together
(a whole ‘nother post, lol!). She’d had
her reservations, but just didn’t show up (thanks to the Ex), and all of a
sudden I couldn’t reach her, couldn’t find her, I was worried. So I searched
for her. It was like she just fell of the earth. I even hired two different
private investigators, on two different occasions and one of them said “the
only thing I can tell you for certain is that she’s not dead”.
I held on to that, thinking of and talking about her almost
daily, praying for her, her two boys (the first one she had while at Spelman
and was like my own child, I was there when both were born), telling ladybug
and anyone else who’d listen the exploits and adventures of me and “my crazy
friend Marcia”. While living my life
with the huge and unfillable void her absence created was difficult, but I managed
by thinking of what Marcia would do or how she’d handle certain situations, and
even under what and which circumstances she’d cuss someone out, lol! Oh how I missed
my friend. I’d daydream about finding her and reuniting, what it’d be like, how
we’d be as true adults with families and careers and… less drama? Lol! But I
also worried that we would be the same. I mean, of course we wouldn’t, but well….
I wondered if I had romanticized and idealized our relationship to the point of
mystical legend. An unrealistic and unattainable template for ideal female relationships.
Actually, that frightened me, assuming I’d ever see her again in the first
And don’t misunderstand, I developed some absolutely amazing
and priceless relationships and sisterhoods over the years… I’m truly beyond
blessed that way, and sometimes feel undeserving. Each one of my friends I actually
call sister, are truly my sisters each with our own unique connection and deep bonds
that are irreplaceable. It could be all one sided street (my side) because I’ve
never had and always wanted sisters, but that’s just how I feel.
At surprise party trying to believe my eyes!
So fast forward to my surprise birthday party this past Christmas.
Everyone that I love and care about, with only a few truly missed exceptions,
were there. Juan did an amazing job! It was perfection! But the biggest ringer
of them all was Marcia. JUAN HAD
FOUND MARCIA! I couldn’t believe I was looking at her, holding her,
speaking to her. I really thought I was gonna loose it. Honestly, it’s been
seven months, with two visits under our belts and I’m still trying to process
this. HE FOUND HER!
So, we’ve spent the last seven months talking, crying, visiting,
laughing, dancing, catching up, and I kid you not when I say it’s as if the
almost twenty years we’ve been apart has never been. Our relationships has grown
up with us, even though we’ve been apart. Even though we are so very different,
but yet the same. I’m here with her now, my first visit to her place two time
zones and several states away, for the last eight days and I just don’t want to
go! We’ve done absolutely NOTHING all day! (she’s a middle school teacher off
for the summer) Well, we’ve laughed, made cocktails, eaten, cooked, drank,
cried, danced, watched movies and cracked each other up. That’s it! It’s just been too doggone hot to go anywhere,
but mainly we’ve just been deep in discovery with no interruptions (like hubby
or ladybug when she was visiting me earlier). We’ve each other all to ourselves
and it’s been amazing.
As a young woman figuring out that thing called womanhood, I
found the courage to be me because of Marcia, and that the me I was back then,
and the me that I am today, is perfectly fabulous. I wish every woman young and old, could have a Marcia.