Sunday, December 21, 2008

not feeling it

hey there!

i do hope your holidays are going wonderfully?!

i've finally caught the spirit, though half heartedly, after a major delay in feeling it. i don't know what's up, but it might as well be march. we just got our tree yesterday, partly because i wasn't feeling it, and secondly the fact that it's been raining like crazy and i HATE wet trees. it's a childhood thing. it rained and hailed so hard that i thought god was coming! it was about 9:30 pm last thursday when we heard the cracking/popping sound. like someone was throwing rocks against the windows and breaking in our skylight. juan and i opened the front door and just stood there in amazement. quarter sized hail. a real phenomenon here in my little corner of the world.

so, the tree is up. that's it. nary a light, a wreath, or anything all sparkly glowie is up. normally this is my most favoritest time of the year! it's the best time of the year! but i'm just not feeling it. and i don't know why.

hey, it's also my birthday. yep. december 25th. 5:20 am.

maybe it's because i've been in a very reflective mood for the last month or so. deeply. i've been chewing on quite a bit. my life, ya know? i've always wanted to be forty. even as an older teenager i'd always felt that life began at forty, and that ones forties would be, are, fabulous. you got lifes instructions and directions in your 20's. then you worked to figure them them out as best you could in your 30's. and then, when you hit your 40's, you'd really start to know what the hell to do with all that stuff and shit - how to be. so, i looked forward to them, anxiously. ready to be all that and truly fabulous. ready to truly be grown.

hmpf. is there such a thing really? ever?

well, my forties are here. been here for only a minute. and it's now how i thought it would be. i'm not how i thought i'd be. and i now realize that i am struggling with this. and i welcome it. because it means that i am in the process of becoming bigger, badder, and better than i've ever been. than i could ever imagine. i feel it. i know it. and again, i welcome it.

be well :)

6 comments:

Mizrepresent said...

Well have a very special and Happy Birthday lady! Forties ain't that bad...in fact, it's been mighty mighty Good to me! Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Lovebabz said...

Who's bigger...badder and cooler than YOU? LOL!

Christmas Birthday...double gifts! Such GREED! LOL!

Thinking of you this holiday season. Wishing you a season of love & happiness!

Let the season wash over you. A star shown brightly...letting the world know that a child wrapped in swaddling clothing would be the saviour of us all...if we let him.

Merry Christmas.

Princess Tinybutt said...

hey you two!! thanks so much, i just love y'all!

i hope you guys are having a wonderful christmas!

nicki nicki tembo said...

Happy birthday princess.

I know those reflective moods. For me they are usually followed by growth, peace or enlightenment. We have to be like water: fluid, flowing. We women are intuitive, embrace it ma!

I stopped celebrating most holidays about 20 years ago. I have many issues with the culture of consumerism that is so prevalent in our society. But I recognize what this time of year means to many others. Love, peace and hair grease sister.

Princess Tinybutt said...

lol! thanks so very much nicki nicki!

Braja said...

Happy 40th, and nice to "meet" you :) Thanks for stopping by...I like what I'm reading and I'll be back :)