Tuesday, February 17, 2009

here we go again...

well, it is now confirmed. i have to have surgery....again. MARCH 5th. you know me, i've been trying to negotiate with the docs, but they were not having any of me and my bullshit this time. well, at least i got my way a little bit... no chemo...for now. i take my victories when, where, and how i can get them.

so what's going on now you ask? i'd like to know myself. my body just isn't able to cooperate with me. poor thing. and i love my body. always have. i like looking at it. oh, sorry... i digress.

like i was saying... i'd like to know what's going on too. yeah, the docs give me their mumbo jumbo about this cell and that platelet, this scan/mri, and that drug response. but frankly, i'm tired of all that crap. what is really going on here?

well, i'm sick. and ... i'm in denial, still. you see, i like to 'forget' that i've got some crazy, truly shitty (is that how you spell shitty? i've always wanted to cuss like a sailor) shit ravaging my body. totally fucking with my life. my life. **sigh** don't these diseases know that i'm busy trying to live my damn life? ok, didn't realize that i am just a bit angry. i had made plans for march!

i've got holes in my bones. they're disintegrating quicker than expected and now i'm leaking bone marrow. apparently that's not a good thing. at least it explains why my labs have been off a bit. it's a little tricky this one because the grafting is happening on my 'good' side, the side of my lower body that's not paralyzed. so the docs aren't sure exactly how they want to rehab me. which i don't understand one bit. don't they rehab one legged people all the time? its just that my bad leg is still attached. so what's the problem? well, at least i talked the surgeon into fixing my other hip while he's in there. looks like i'll be an inch or so taller..WHOOOO-HOOOO!!

but seriously. i'm not happy about this. not at all. and i'm scared. again. and i don't want to be. i'm sad. again. and that's not me. i'm angry. again. and that's not me either. i don't want to be 'this person'. who's sick. but i am. for now.

and this too will pass. because i said so.

be well :)

6 comments:

toddlerplanet said...

That's right. Because you said so.

I wish you well on this part of the adventure ... it's such a long and lonely one, isn't it?

Do come on over to the MothersWithCancer site and hang with us if you need company. We'd love to have you, as a commenter, guest poster, author ... or a lurker. Anything is fine; we're here to support each other.

Best to you--
WhyMommy

Lovebabz said...

Now you know I am coming to bring my tough talk to you. You know I give you a few moments to cry, be sad and afraid. You get a few moments. Then we get up put the gloves back on and fight.

Besides your vanity to waer fly shoes and clothes will do more fo ryour fighting spirits than my tough love. Hhmm maybe dangling the possibility of driving the legendary T5 again.

Not about manupulation and blackmail :)

Ok take a few more moments and then get your ass off that pretty blue couch and get ready to RUMBLE!

Princess Tinybutt said...

@whymommy... i really appreciate your kind support and will certainly drop on over. thanks for stopping by!

@babz... i know, i know. you know me. the gloves were already out, and are back on! LET'S DO THIS!! lol!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u will be in my prayers as usual

laurie said...

What whymommy said.

You are wonderful and strong and I love your attitude. And I just gave you a Lemonade Award on my blog.

Laurie

Princess Tinybutt said...

@ laurie... THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE AWARD!! WOW!! gonna figure out who to pass it on to. gratitude :)

@ dr.T... thanks my friend