acting now

i've just been over to a blog buddy's site (ko johnson) and got blown completely away. that johnson boy said what?!! i'm still processing it, and probably should sleep on it because eventhough i'm totally compelled to write about it right now, i'm certain i'll miss some of the essence of what his post has made, is making me feel. i see now why his blog carries that name. ouch.

to the point. as i've mentioned before, i've been really chewing on several things, one of which is how to proceed with this blog of mine. i had been holding back here for concern of how others would react, how what i post effects others. no more. so back to blogging, however, i'm still struggling with how much and of what to post. so stand by please....

now, back to what that johnson boy said. humpf. here goes.

k.o.'s post is an excerpt from a book actually, and to me, it talks about fear and action. fear and inaction. fear is a powerful emotion and can lead you down some dark roads. because of fear, i found myself mired down in shrubs of inaction. almost completely covered and immobile.

i am also still struggling with who i am now, as someone who is sick and will not get better. and the fear because of it. i've been fighting that fear in all sorts of interesting and dangerous ways. gaining better sense and getting smarter about it i conquer each month. each year. i've been known to say "i used to be stubborn and stupid. now i'm just plain stubborn" in regards to my behavior and the risks i took because of the fear. fear of no longer being angela. no longer being here.

then i had a couple of really bad years healthwise, of which i'm coming out of, and i allowed that fear to render me immobile. due to my health i was forced not to act initially, then unwilling, then becoming unable.

i want me back. oohhh so very badly. me was sharp as a tack (inside and out), quick and polished, fearless, confident, and more than capable. definately a bit cockey, yet humble. always in motion and always about action (amazing what you can see in hindsight). but i can't have me back, not the way that i was. so i've got to figure out who i am now - in addition to my health. i don't want my health to define me, but i have to figure out how to add it as part of my definition. i want to continue to do the things i do best, the things i love to do, living my life. but how as the person that i am now?

i've got to figure all this out. and how?

i will act..... thanks k.o.

be well :)

I will act now.
Never has there been a map, however carefully executed to detail and scale, which carried its owner over even 1 inch of ground. Never has there been a parchment of law, however fair, which prevented one crime. Never has there been a scroll, even such as the one I hold, which earned so much as a penny, or produced a single word of acclamation. Action alone is the tinder which ignites the map, the parchment, this scroll, my dreams, my plans, my goals, into a living force. Action is the food and drink which will nourish my success.

I will act now.
My procrastination which has held me back was born of fear, and now I recognize this secret mined from the depths of all courageous hearts. Now I know that, to conquer fear, I must always act without hesitation, and the flutters in my heart will vanish. Now I know that action reduces the lion of terror to an ant of equanimity.

I will act now.
Only action determines my value in the marketplace, and to multiply my value I will multiply my actions. I will walk where the failure fears to walk. I will work when the failure seeks rest. I will talk when the failure remains silent. I will call on 10 who can buy my goods, while the failure makes grand plans to call on one. I will say it is done before the failure says it is too late.

I will act now.
For now is all I have. Tomorrow is the day reserved for the labor of the lazy. I am not lazy. Tomorrow is the day when the evil become good. I am not evil. Tomorrow is the day when the weak become strong. I am not weak. Tomorrow is the day when the failure will succeed. I am not a failure.

I will act now.
When the lion is hungry, he eats. When the eagle has thirst, he drinks. Lest they act, both will perish.

I hunger for success. I thirst for happiness and peace of mind. Lest I act, I will perish in a life of failure, misery and sleepless nights. I will command, and I will obey my own command.

I will act now.
Success will not wait. If I delay, she will become betrothed to another and lost to me forever.

This is the time. This is the place. I am the man.

I will act now.

(Excerpt from The Greatest Salesman In The World by Og Mandino)