hi everyone i do this almost every year, my 'ode to ladybyug', and at least for me, it never gets old, only better.
on this day eleven years ago, juan and i were blessed with a wonderfully precious creature, a gift really - lauren camille 'ladybug'.
today is ladybug's 11th birthday. at 5:39pm and 17
seconds to be exact. wow. double digits. i'm actually, unexpectedly,
having a hard time with it. ok parents of older, multiple kids... how do
you handle your children growing up? how do you cope with the fear and
anxiety of it all? so far, i've just focused on the positive and deal
with whatever else comes up, as it comes. i guess that's all i can do.
many of you know that we've changed her schools and it's definitely paying off, she'd thriving, but still having a tough time of it. you know, new school, and it's a new middle school, that's a tough time for anything, let alone this kind of change. new people, new rules, new teachers, new everything to get accustomed to after being at her old school her whole life, it's all she's known. now she has to get up earlier because we are no longer just down the street from school. it's a harder, more academic school, so there's more work and it's harder. plus the girls. they're just different. and she's not used to this 'kind of different'. yes, it's been hard for her. but... she's such a trooper! she never complains, never whines. she almost always has a smile and a 'let's do this!' attitude. what courage! my God i
love her so.
she's
a true miracle. i was told i couldn't conceive, let alone actually
carry a child to term. i had already lost 2 before her, and once since
(as recently as 3 years ago at 5 months pregnant). i was sick for most of my pregnancy.
really sick. and amazingly she was just fine. it got to the point where
my body couldn't go on any longer, and ladybug was delivered at 32
weeks. a tiny tiny thing who needed no medical support at all. my OB/GYN
still marvels at that. and my was she tiny. too tiny for me to touch -
even the preemie clothing was too big for her! i was afraid of her. to
look at her now, 11 years later, you'd never know she was a preemie.
nothing but God.
I Have A Confession To Make:
i love ladybug. lauren camille. i love her. no, I LOVE
HER. still no. that's not enough. those words just aren't enough. ok, i
just looked up some synonyms for love: adoration, tenderness,
affection, devotion, on and on.... nope, still not enough. not enough to
truly capture and express what i feel about her. for her.
she
makes me feel so many other things as well, that to me all seem to be
related to the love and pure adoration i have for her : frustration,
passion, fear, frustration, anger, giddiness, fascination, and
amazement. and the need to protect her with my life.
i
find that all i want to do is touch her, hold her, kiss her. be near
her. smell her, well.... not smell her all the time, she's now 11 after
all, lol!. but you get what i'm saying, right? i love her nose, the
way she pouches out her lips. i love just watching her. how she 'zones
out' when she's totally into a movie. how her eyes truly light up when
she's excited. the sounds she makes, hearing her make up a song about
birds. watching her play by herself. i love her curly hair (most of the
time), and i love it when she asks me questions and is really listening
to my answer as if life itself depended on it. i love how she touches
me. oh, to watch her sleep. especially that. how many of you check on
your kids in the middle of the night while they're sleep? i do. i wake
up and creep into her room, and listen for her breathing, a light snore
if she's had a full day. if i can't hear her, then i creep closer,
carefully though, not to wake her up. and touch her, to make sure, you
know? yeah, you do.
and
the absolute best thing ever?? when she calls me 'mommy'. there's a
particular way she says it that just makes my heart soar. and then
there's the way she says it when she's up to no doggone good, lol. and
yes, that one brings me joy too.
it's
not often that she's up to no good. really. juan and i are constantly
wondering if and when the 'other shoe is gonna drop'. she was an easy
baby. and easy toddler. and an easy kid. really. she's openly
compassionate, caring, thoughtful, and empathetic. if anything, these
things get her into trouble at times, because she's so busy thinking of
everyone else that she forgets to handle her own business! she's not a
whiner. she comes home and gets right to her homework without much ado,
doesn't complain about taking a bath, and is always looking for ways to
help around the house. again - she'd rather help me unload the
dishwasher and sweep the kitchen than clean her own room!
now
don't get me wrong, i'm not one of those parents who puts their kid on a
pedestal, and feels they can do no wrong. ladybug is no angel and can
be a real 'pill' if you know what i mean. she's notorious for telling it
like it is, and will throw you under the bus in a new york second all
in the name of truth and 'the right thing to do'. but a truly sweet and gentle soul she is. my God i love her.
i just pray that she doesn't wake up one day and all has changed!
my
favorite part of the day is the beginning and the end. in the morning, she gets up
and gets in our bed just after juan has gone to work, and we talk, laugh, cuddle,
giggle, chat, and play before it's time to get ready for school. what a
wonderful way for me to start my day! she, for me, is pure joy. it's a
love that for me is total, complete, and all consuming for her. she is my
joy.
my ladybug. mmmmm.
