Wednesday, February 27, 2013

lay our burdens down

i'm catholic, but more importantly, i'm a christian who, more than any doctrine, dogma, or organization, believes in God the Father, and with that said, i participate in Lent every year. however for this years Lenten journey, i decided to keep with the theme of 'truth'. it's part of this walk i've been on for the last year or so, where i am determined to stand in and own my truth, therefore getting closer to who God meant for me to be, and serve.

so before i made my list of what to 'sacrifice' for the next 40 days, i asked myself what would i take away, but also add so that when i come to the end of Lent, i am truly changed. i gave this some hard thought and prayer, and His voice came to me: "Lay Your Burdens Down".


"What are your burdens Angela?" i can't tell you how eerie and right this made me feel because this last year has been deep and emotionally heavy, and worrisome for me. i've been struggling with a couple of troubling relationships that have, at least for me, called into question my dedication and commitment to the truth, my own truth in particular, and it left me feeling like a fraud and hypocrite - especially since i'm a damn good certified life coach who demands this of my own clients.

i began to see that i needed to, no, i had and have to tell the truth about these relationships, especially to their faces, and stop hiding the hurt, drama, and pain they cause. i've long since forgiven them, but thought that since i had, well, then, it was all done with. nope.

so what's the truth? that my self absorbed parents have hurt me deeply and in ways that were just, well... nobody's perfect. and i've pretended and gone along with them because i was the good and dutiful child-teenager-young adult-grown ass woman - who would never 'speak out' nor 'go against' her parents. and because i was a punk when it came to them and they knew it. also because i was afraid to tell the truth. i've been afraid to speak directly to them about anything meaningful - my truth, at all. yes, i have tried. beating around the bush at first, face to face too. but they're better at mental manipulation. so i have written letters, but have never found the courage to deliver them. this has amazed my husband and myself, because i have managed some amazing situations, incredible ordeals, great at politics, and have a knack for negotiating delicate and difficult situations. but when it comes to my parents...? forget about it. hence, the hypocrite.

this has been my burden. i am now laying it down.

what else i'm i doing for lent you ask? i'm being quiet and still so that i can hear God more clearly by 'disconnecting'. i'm being more intentional with my thoughts and actions. i'm drinking nothing but water and some tea. food fasting two days each week. having evening prayer with hubby and ladybug. i am reading my bible. and more importantly, i am laying my burdens down by telling the truth. MY truth.

be well :)

Thursday, February 14, 2013

what love is for me

love is my husband. i love him. i truly do. and it has nothing to do with familiarity due to time. he's the strong silent type - physically, emotionally, and character. that's so sexy to me. he's sexy to me, still after 22 years. and i am to him. he's tender and loving. he loves our daughter in the way a dad should. active and concerned who combs her hair almost better than i can. he loves to laugh and always looks for the bright side. he listens. he believes in womanhood, but has no problem donning an apron and scrubbing the toilets, and i haven't done laundry or changed the sheets in at least 15 years. 

i love it when he works in the yard, or on the cars. how he looks at me when he thinks i'm not paying attention. i love his arms. his shoulders. his legs. i love cutting his hair or shaving him and his 3 o'clock shadow. or when he's getting in someones ass for being disrespectful. that base in his voice.... yes.

now don't get me wrong. he's not perfect. our love isn't perfect.

but he loves me without question. all of me. COMPLETELY. i don't have to hide. he kisses my boo-boos. he believes, no, he knows i can do anything. he thinks i'm pretty. he flirts with me. i am his queen.

we've been through it these last several years with my health. i mean things that would rip most marriages apart, but yet we are only stronger, we love and appreciate each other more and more. he is amazing. 

again, he is not perfect. however, he's pretty damn close to it for me.  

juan is love for me.