We Got A Love Thang...

Today is my wedding anniversary and I’m going to let you in on some of my random thoughts and feelings about him, about us, and just some of how he is…

Wedding on the beach at sunset in Ocho Rios

Gosh I am in love with my husband. I love him. I truly do. And it has nothing to do with familiarity due to time. He’s the strong silent type - physically, emotionally, and character. That’s so sexy to me. And I know he loves me, adores me without question. All of me. COMPLETELY. I don't have to hide. He kisses my boo-boos. He believes… no, he knows I can do anything. He thinks I’m pretty. I think he is FOINE. We flirt with each other…. A LOT. I am his queen and he is my king. He is my biggest fan and loudest cheerleader. My personal bodyguard and protector. I don’t ever have to worry. He knows that I trust him to lead our family because he knows I have his back in the most fiercest of ways. We trust each other with our lives.

Musee D'Orsay Paris 2008

I love it when he sees me struggling to make it up the stairs. He comes behind me and whisks me up in his arms, quietly, gently. Yes, he’s sexy to me, still after 22 years. And I am to him. Don’t get me started about the lovemaking…. Yeah, still. Even after 22 years. “Dayum!”‘Nuff said.

I love the way he looks at me when he thinks I don’t see him. I love how hard he works for us. Though not the best communicator, he’s tender and loving. He loves our daughter in the way a dad should - active, engaged, and concerned. He combs her hair almost better than I can, and I love the way he looks at and watches her. He loves to laugh, sometimes too much, and always looks for the bright side no matter how pitch black it actually is. I love that he tempers me like chocolate and helps me get and stay balanced, sometimes with just a glance my way. A patient student, he allows me my mistakes while I figure out how to show him how to love me. He really does listen, even though he ignores most of what I say. He does not suffers fools, believes in femininity yet loves a strong woman. Has no problem donning an apron or hand washing my bras.

In first class on an Air France flight 2011

I love it when he works in the yard, or on the cars. I love his arms. His shoulders. His legs. I love cuttin his hair with clippers or shaving him with a straight razor and cream. I love his 3 o'clock shadow. I love when he gets in someone’s ass for being disrespectful. That bass in his voice.... yes.

We’ve been through it these last several years with my health. I mean things that would rip most marriages apart, but yet we are only stronger; we love and appreciate each other more and more. He can be amazing. 

Again, he is not perfect. I am not perfect. However, we are truly perfect together (most of the time, lol!!).  

Happy Anniversary to US!

 

what love is for me

love is my husband. i love him. i truly do. and it has nothing to do with familiarity due to time. he's the strong silent type - physically, emotionally, and character. that's so sexy to me. he's sexy to me, still after 22 years. and i am to him. he's tender and loving. he loves our daughter in the way a dad should. active and concerned who combs her hair almost better than i can. he loves to laugh and always looks for the bright side. he listens. he believes in womanhood, but has no problem donning an apron and scrubbing the toilets, and i haven't done laundry or changed the sheets in at least 15 years. 

i love it when he works in the yard, or on the cars. how he looks at me when he thinks i'm not paying attention. i love his arms. his shoulders. his legs. i love cutting his hair or shaving him and his 3 o'clock shadow. or when he's getting in someones ass for being disrespectful. that base in his voice.... yes.

now don't get me wrong. he's not perfect. our love isn't perfect.
 

but he loves me without question. all of me. COMPLETELY. i don't have to hide. he kisses my boo-boos. he believes, no, he knows i can do anything. he thinks i'm pretty. he flirts with me. i am his queen.

we've been through it these last several years with my health. i mean things that would rip most marriages apart, but yet we are only stronger, we love and appreciate each other more and more. he is amazing. 

again, he is not perfect. however, he's pretty damn close to it for me.  

juan is love for me. 


 

I LOVE MAY!

hello friends

this is by far my favorite month, with august and december coming in close seconds. as always, a lot but not has transpired in the last month. it's been a busy 2 months for me actually - ladybug was in a play and talent show; i hosted our family's Easter dinner and threw it together at the LAST minute; and then had a few rounds of chemo, of which i'm just finishing up, and now getting ready for vacation which we leave for in exactly one week. whew!

so where do i begin? i'll start with ladybug since so many have been looking for pictures. so here they are. and ladybug was AMAZING! she had a major part in her schools production of "Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as Fenris Ulf the queens (witch) trusty captain. she practically stole the show and i'm not being prejudice (i promise, lol!). we had a small party for her between shows on saturday where the whole family and tons of friends came; juans family even flew out from atlanta - it was just a wonderful day full of love, laughter, and food.... and i was exhausted. then i started chemo the following week, but not before her solo performance in the schools talent show! i can't wait til the school year's over!

** as i go to upload ladybug's pictures, i see that i don't actually have any of her!! juan only took video!! stay tuned i will update this with her pics tomorrow ** 

next up is our vacation. heading to atlanta for a nice break. will be surprising ladybug with a quick trip to disneyworld. i can't wait, we need a vacay so bad. it was around the holidays when i realized that we've never taken a family vacation before - ever! we've done tons of trips all related to track, and yes, we go to atlanta every year, but that's our second home - literally. that's not a vacation.

i'm so glad the valley is so close

i just adore him.

so pretty

the day my chemo quarantine ended (last saturday), juan was thoughtful enough to whisk me off to the napa valley (yountville/oakville/st. helena) for lunch and to hang out while ladybug was of on a play date. the weather was nice so we grabbed some sandwiches from Dean & DeLucca then headed to one of my favorite wineries, V. Sattui , and had an impromptu picnic. we had a grand time flirting, eating, and kidding around. then headed down to yountville, home of the famous The French Laundry, and grabbed some dessert at Bouchon Bakery then he took me shopping. it's a wonderful thing when you have a someone in your life who enjoys food as much as you do, but also enjoys you enjoying it, AND actually wants you to shop! jealous?

this is what all the fuss is about!

beautiful 6ft foxglove

yes, i'm still gardening and it's going well. i'm off to a late start though due to the wet cold spring we've had. i'm just now pulling out my cabbage and broccoli! i'm at the tail end of my last patch of carrots, and am about to put in my zucchini and sweet pepper starts (all from seed). my green beans (haricort verts) are coming up now, and i'll be putting in my tomatoes this weekend - roma's, sweet 100's for sure, and maybe early girls, not sure yet. i've got lots of flowers going this spring/summer too - dahlias, gladiola's, and lillies from bulbs (my first time!), and hostas, gardenias, and more bouganvillea are waiting to go in. i'm excited!

under miscellaneous is that i'm finally getting back into photography. i used to develop my own film 'back in the day', and have put up my SLR (Cannon EOS) for a bit to play with my Nikon D5100. so i'll be posting even more pics, so definitely stay tuned!

be well my friends

14 Years Ago Today...

greetings everyone!

surrounded by some of my most cherished friends and family on a beautiful jamaican beach at sunset 14 years ago today i said "I DO".

i said "I DO" to a man who is truly my partner, my friend, my critic, my lover, my loudest cheerleader and biggest fan. my caretaker. he see's the very best in me all of the time. even when i'm truly not at my best.

like most men, he's not perfect. his communication skills need work. he's stubborn. he often only hears what he wants to hear. he's a bit more then just a little narcissistic and passive aggressive. yes, he's far from perfect. but unlike most men, he loves me in the most perfectly imperfect way, and that's just perfect to me!

if you don't know by now, i can be a handful and a little bit more than a notion. i know my own mind and i can be as stubborn as a charging bull. i'm sure that at least twice each month for the last 18 of the total 21 years  we've been joined at the hip, my dear husband wonders what the heck he's gotten himself into by marrying me.


we've been through alot together. when the minister says "for better or for worse", no one truly thinks of the 'worse' really. in our simple, newly married minds the 'worse' is a vague and distant thing, almost intangible in a way. 'worse' happens to other people. well, it has happened/is happening to us. as many of you know i've been stricken with several nasty autoimmune diseases, one in particular has the distinction of being terminal (the nerve!!), and he and i have been through some things that would rip many couples apart.we are only better and stronger.

i am so very thankful for juan. for his poise. his quiet strength and knowing. his discipline. for his wit and ability to laugh at himself. his tenderness and care. i'm thankful for how he takes care of ladybug and i. for his trust. his gentleness. his willingness to do whatever it takes to make me happy. his honesty. but most of all, i am so very thankful for his love.

be well friends :)

what do you do when he HATES valentines day?

you love him anyway.

yes, i must come out of the closet with this one. my dearest hubby HATES valentines day. he feels it has now become way too commercialized. and i get where he's coming from and i agree. really. the love you have for someone should be celebrated everyday. in many little and big ways. and he and i do. now, i'm not the mushy cheezy kind that gets all into it either. it's just that.... well...

he's made it extremely clear that he's not either. and it's been difficult for me these 17+ years with him. to be with someone i love who is violently opposed to this day of love. now don't get me wrong... he has totally come through on this front in ways that has blown my mind and also has left an "awwwe...he is amazing!" on the lips of friends and family. but you see, he's very public with his show's of love. other than love making, it's very minimal, and i usually have to initiate most forms of affection. it just doesn't occur to him...unless it occurs to him.

i am an affectionate person. not needy. just affectionate. not necessarily into "pda" (public demonstrations of affection), but reasonable and relevant shows of affection. hand holding. a rub here, a gentle touch there. and my favorite---great, mindblowing, intriguing, intimate, casual, soul bearing, matter-of-fact, "hey babe, how's your day?...well..." conversation. yes. conversation. its like foreplay for me. especially anything deep and intense and revealing..any topic..just deep and intense and revealing. but that's not him. mr. passive agressive.

so.. i got a couple of beautiful bouquets of flowers delivered to me beginning yesterday. my favorites. the card that came was anonymous, but the words were wonderful. something about being strong, courageous, inspiring, beautiful... all the stuff you'd want to be on a card that was with delivered flowers. i immediately suspected my daddy. that's totally like him!! but no, him it was not. i was very suspicious of hubby because i had figured that he had given in. after all, they were a combination of my top 2 most favorite flowers.

nope. not him.

my gut agreed with him. those were'nt his kind of words. and he would have NEVER had flowers delivered to me. NEVER.

so fast forward to today. this time rose came. and the card a bit more intimate. with talk of my sexiness, and how tinking of me makes them a happier person. that they love and admire me from afar. .... what the hell?!?

nah... had to be juan.

nope. not him.

this time he got a bit huffy puffy at the fact that i asked him intensely if it were him this time or not. "well, send them back" he said. lol!

i called the flower company and they said they'd check to see if the sender wished to stay anonymous. they did. but, the customer service rep did let slip that it was "a man" sending all the flowers. i am definately intrigued. theflowers are gorgeous. and i find myself wishing it was juan, not some far off admirer. i also found myself wishing that he gave a bit more of a damn than usual.

so, i was able to get my vday fix. beautiful flowers, sunshine, hugs and kisses from my ladybug and a card from my daddy. eventhough i didn't get it from the one i love. no cards. no flowers. no intimate dinner for two. no ... well, maybe some love making (of course he'll take that-but in his mind, it won't have anythhing to do with valentines day!!). what do you do when the one you love hates the day that you are to celebrate the love you have for one another all year long?

well, you love them anyway. in spite of themselves. because love truly rules. when you let it.

today is the day for LOVE---HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

be well :)

mr. fix it part 2

OMG!! he did it. he really did do it. he fix my car. my baaaby.

i am still in shock. he finished it soon after i first posted, and i am still in shock. i was very nervous though. every so often i'd hear a "hmpf"; "uh-oh"; "now where would that go..?"; and then a "dammit!!" coming from the garage. the last one was a biggie because he is not a cusser. and with each uterance my heart would sink. the pain of seeing my baby's innards all strown about was oh so difficult. it soothed me little to be out there helping him... holding the flash light, passing tools, offering encouraging words like"yeah, that looks right babe".

i am so very proud of him. i just can't tell you how bursting with pride i am of him. i told him that he can talk smack for at least the next 9 months for this one!

be well :)

in love with mr. fix it

ladybug was with my mommy dearest for the last few days, so hubby and i had some great quality time together.... just hanging out, lots of laughing, and doing what we do best (catch my drift..? *wicked smile*)

we didn't do much really, watched a few movie classics (our fav's) from netflix, got some take out from one of our favorite local spots that does a mean fried chicken. got up the next day and did some window shopping (he let me go without my wheelchair! eventhough it was in the trunk). but mainly, we just talked. and laughed. and teased each other about everything from 'back in the day when....'. and was just together. fun.

yes, he can be very difficult - sunsign leo different, and is the epitome of passive aggressiveness (more often than not). we've been together for about 17 years now, married for most of them. so yes, we have our issues, hell, i have my own (many of you know that i am a hoot and a mess!). i know that more often than not, juan has asked god what in the hell has he gotten himself into with me. but still, he can be a hot mess. and at times i find myself looking for our attorney's number because i'm ready to wrap my cane around his neck ...(just kidding babz!) but, the sex is great. and he's cute. and he really is a good guy. and, well... i love him. *sigh* god help me.

and he loves me. which is why i'm even more inspired to write about him today. like many of you already know, my other serious love affair is with my car (my T5) and driving it. i just love it, and as with ladybug, all the posts i've done about it just doesn't serve it justice (search T5 and see!). so over the summer, juan and i were rear ended in a 3 car hit and run as we were cruisin' through napa valley (only 35 minutes away - are you jealous?? lol), and the dashboard snapped or something. know one was hurt thank god, and other than the dashboard, there was no other damage - my T5 is no joke! we took it to the dealership for a once over, just to make sure, and they gave a structural and body thumbs up. just the dash, which they sent us to the body shop for estimates. we didn't like the amount they were talking, and rattling wasn't too bad... at the time. we didn't bother the our insurance company (gieco, which i love) mainly becuase the poor litle pregnant girl who hit us didn't have insurance, and it wasn't her fault in the first place. the guy hit her!

so we just left well enough alone.... til one day i just could'nt take it anymore. the squeeking has gotten so back that it makes me feel like i'm ridding in a hooptie, like i wanna jump out of the window! yes, my baby is only 8 years old, but she's in phenomenal shape! she's an extremely limited edition - only 1300 made in black in the world, with a racing engine (she can take out a porche without blinking - well, maybe tie) with 302 horsies under the hood (the 2008 porsche carrera has 325 i think) and she's as smooth as butter, they didn't make these engine specs for us market at all. i get purchase offers all the time! i just couldn't take it anymore!!

well, guess what my man is outside doing right now as i type??!!?? take a look....

he's just getting started here

yes, that's my makeup bag on the floor


yep, he's got the tools


ooh, this is hard for me to take!


oh, my baby!
oh, the agony...


this is my T5

yep, he loves me... i'll keep you posted!

be welll :)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! please help us celebrate!

hey y'all!

i've got so much to tell you, and i've already got 2 or 3 post drafts going, but it will have to wait a little longer because.....

today is my 10th wedding anniversery.

and it feels good really. 10 years married. 16 years in total, but do i count that? i never know. i always say "we've been married for such and such years, but together for such and such".

i think it should be counted. because that time can also speak to the commitment you've made to each other. for juan and i, after the first year and a half or so, there was just an unspoken understanding that i think our spirits had, that we'd be together. although i had no intentions of getting, being married, i knew that we would be together. we were together for 6 years before we got married, and and with all tat said, there was 'stuff' then that we had to work through. but we got through it. just as there's stuff now we have to work through in our marriage. and we get through it. the only difference is that we get through it but better.

juan and i have most definately had our share of ups and downs, especially in these last few years. we love harder. stronger. and have lots of fun. because of my health we have found a way to be better with each other. to each other. also, i am particularly happy on this anniversary because for the last 3 i've been critically ill. i thank god for blessings, big and small.

yeah, as evidenced by my many many posts here, i often want to take my cane and wrap it around his neck. or pack him up and ship him off to his mommy. almost weekly i look at him in awe and wonder to myself "what the hell were you thinking, or not....??!?!?!" but at the same time, i am totally amazed by him, and thankful for him. he takes such good care of me and our ladybug. he loves us. really. he is a true manchild, having no example, role model, and i am in awe with his stuggle to figure out what is, and how to be a man, husband, father, loving, tender, caring. to get it right. some days it's easier than on others. and he's not always consistant. and i am no walk in the park myself. i know he looks at me and wonders "what in the hell have i gotten myself into with this woman...?". yet he shows up each and everytime. he shows up.

and now, 10 years, no, 16 years later. we are still here. and happy. i wish this for all of you who wish this for yourselves.

**will you all help me celebrate? can you post peoms about love, and what it can do. how it heals, restores, saves, creates, and.... well, you know where i'm going with this**

be well :)

ps... come back because i have lots of pics to post and blogger is having issues right now...

a very late, but happy daddy's day

so, first, let me give a very, late, but very warmly felt, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY wish to all those wonderful present daddy's out there.

i want so badly to talk about all the good and great things he does and has done. how much i love him. admire him. and of course... how good looking he is. but i can't right now, because i'm feeling under the weather, same 'ole song. but you all know i treated him right. and i'll just leave you with a few visuals.....

be well :)

checking in

hey there! all is well in my little valley. been a bit hectic though. chemo was, well, you know... chemo. and i'm up and ready for the last two coming this thursday and friday. so what's been happing with me lately? well...

let's see, most of last week is a big blur - really. now i do remember that my little jackie joyner-kersee/flo jo/althea gibson, bka ladybug, had a two day track meet last friday and saturday in tulare, ca which is very near fresno, about 4 hours away. HOT as HELL! it's in the california valley - all farmland. we loaded up the T5 (so sexy!) with teh lawn chairs, snacks, drinks and other misc. sutff the the two day adventure.

now, in the course of this trip, juan came oh so very close to getting my cane wrapped around his neck. i know i've talked a bit about how crazy he can be, and subsiquintly, how crazy he could (notice.. past tenst) make me. but i know know if i've talked about the fact that i've come to the realization that, in addition to his ocd/anxiety issues, he's got some real passive aggressive stuff going on too. fun. i'll leave this topic to another post. promise.

so, back to the cane getting wraped around the neck... like i was saying, he was ocd'ing while gettign ready to leave and i was starting to get sick because of it, so i thought seriously for a moment about not going, which i think that that's what he wanted. lol :) but no, i had missed her last out of town meet because that was chemo weekend, and she made it very clear that i was to be there... by her highness' command. so i grit my teeth, put my cane out of reach, and bared it.

my girl did fantastic!! she placed 2nd in the 200m, 3rd or fourth in the 400m, which is the first time she ran that event and in 105 degree heat! and then 3rd in the 100m. no 4x100 relay. i am so proud of her because this is her first organized anything, the pracices are a bit much for her age (3xweek til 7pm - she's normally in the bed by 7:30), and she's running against 7 and 8 year olds. so she's smaller and younger! go baby!!!

now, what else have i been up to? oh yeah, took a trip to the emergency room yesterday... and all is well. i had a bout with severe vomiting. just another hurdle, and i'm over it (wink, wink*). so now i'm just hanging out til round 3 and 4 on thursday/friday.

what did i do for father's day? stay tuned......

be well :)

C's, D's, & F's... WHAAHH ??!! school drama part 2

uuuuuggghhh!!!!! ok. i just don't get it. really. we got lb's progress report last week and it was so not good. honestly, dh and i feel completely broadsided! this is just outta nowhere to us, really. we work with lb everyday and make it fun for her. and she has improved dramatically since our meeting with the teacher at the begining of the school year, which i talked at length about(sorry!) in the previous post.

dh and i are just furious as well! because the teacher is unable to see the improvement lb has made, not that there was any needed for a 5 year old. now i'm lb's mom, and i was/am concerned as to whether i'm being objective. so i took a step, or two, back, and did a gut check. and...YES I AM BEING OBJECTIVE! there have been so many little things happening since school started and dh and i wanted to give the teacher a chance.

well anyway, i just couldn't take it anymore, so i called the 'room mom' and a few other parents and had several revelations - well, maybe not revelations since i knew there was funkiness going on in the first place. just confirmation. each mom i spoke with (3 or 4) said that they were having the same issues with the teacher and that their child was a bit stressed as well. hate to say it, but i felt better after speaking with them. at least it's not just l and we're not crazy.

so lb's parent teacher conference is coming up in a next week and dh and i plan to have a plan when we met with her..... will keep you posted... get it?

be well