i've got so much to tell you, and i've already got 2 or 3 post drafts going, but it will have to wait a little longer because.....
today is my 10th wedding anniversery.
and it feels good really. 10 years married. 16 years in total, but do i count that? i never know. i always say "we've been married for such and such years, but together for such and such".
i think it should be counted. because that time can also speak to the commitment you've made to each other. for juan and i, after the first year and a half or so, there was just an unspoken understanding that i think our spirits had, that we'd be together. although i had no intentions of getting, being married, i knew that we would be together. we were together for 6 years before we got married, and and with all tat said, there was 'stuff' then that we had to work through. but we got through it. just as there's stuff now we have to work through in our marriage. and we get through it. the only difference is that we get through it but better.
juan and i have most definately had our share of ups and downs, especially in these last few years. we love harder. stronger. and have lots of fun. because of my health we have found a way to be better with each other. to each other. also, i am particularly happy on this anniversary because for the last 3 i've been critically ill. i thank god for blessings, big and small.
yeah, as evidenced by my many many posts here, i often want to take my cane and wrap it around his neck. or pack him up and ship him off to his mommy. almost weekly i look at him in awe and wonder to myself "what the hell were you thinking, or not....??!?!?!" but at the same time, i am totally amazed by him, and thankful for him. he takes such good care of me and our ladybug. he loves us. really. he is a true manchild, having no example, role model, and i am in awe with his stuggle to figure out what is, and how to be a man, husband, father, loving, tender, caring. to get it right. some days it's easier than on others. and he's not always consistant. and i am no walk in the park myself. i know he looks at me and wonders "what in the hell have i gotten myself into with this woman...?". yet he shows up each and everytime. he shows up.
and now, 10 years, no, 16 years later. we are still here. and happy. i wish this for all of you who wish this for yourselves.
be well :)
ps... come back because i have lots of pics to post and blogger is having issues right now...