Monday, October 22, 2007

a beautiful day in the neighborhood

it's a beautiful day. seriously. the kind of day that explains why people work 150 hours a week to afford a $700,000 mortgage for an 1100 square foot fixer upper here in a questionable area here in the area. i live in the east bay in a little hamlet of a town nestled (literally) between beautiful rolling hills of a valley and the waters of the SF bay. hercules. NICE!

ok, so, i'm a bit bummed. i just came out of a round of chemo and had been feeling just awful all last week. well, with the weather being so pretty right now, i am really missing my ability to drive. in addition to heart and lung involvment, it now in the brain. so i have seizures that we haven't quite gotten under conrol just yet, and unil we do, no driving for me! which i ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO DO!! but i can't. nope. can't. for now....

you see, i'm someone who love to drive. what driving means to me... independence. solitude. freedom. put in a few cd's and blast the stereo, open the sun roof, and escape to beautiful places. one of my faveorites is this little bench seat perched on a cliff just above the golden gate bridge, overlooking the expanse of the pacific ocean, s.f., and the bay all in one glance (FANTASTIC!!), not too far up, just past the first few tourists stops. i don't know why, but it's never crawling with people. you may have seen me there with my secret lover? - my pretty, shinny black volvo 850 T5 with 324 little horsies under the hood.....GIDYUP GIRL!!!!LETS GO!!!! listening to those 6 cylinders humming, steering wheel vibrating in my hands, feul injected passion moving me down a 2 lane road or HWY 80 at 75 mph........mmmmmm, aaaahhhhhh. almost as good as S.E.X.!!

whew, ok, i digress. now you know some of the secrets of my dark little heart. i miss my life before october 3, 2006. pre siezure. i want to work too! i have all of these GREAT ideas. things i want to do. time, time, i know it takes time. right. time. wait. stop. is work that important to me that im willing to risk my health? why must it be that serious anyway? i love what i do. i help people change they're lives for the good. and i love the way that i do it. i need that. i need it. and i need to drive. it's purely selfish you understand. working and driving played a major role in helping me feel alive, and i feel i need that now more than ever before. but i can't work, or drive. nope. can't. at least for now....... ;)

so now im looking for thngs to replace what i got out of working. boy is it hard! for me, there's nothing that can replace what i feel when i drive. ok, that's all for the whining. i never make it long, and try to stick to just one thing at a time. and i've had, what, two days of bitchin?!

be well :)

thanks for all your comments about ladybugs teacher situation. i'm still working on figuring out how to get the "comments" section active. i'm sure it's "user error" lol!! :)

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