well now. it really has been too long. and i don't know where to beging really, so bare with me while i try to catch you all up. here we go.....
where have i been? sick. yep, sick. again. i was in the hospital for two weeks and got out a little over two weeks ago. i'd been pregnant for about 4 months, AND DID NOT KNOW IT. and because my body is all fucked up with these diseases, all hell broke loose! the doc's said there was no choice, nothing to discuss. end the pregnancy or die.
so i've only been free from the hospital for 3 days, i go to get my regular labs (bloodwork) done, and the nurses tell me that one of my doctors wants me to call right away. yikes! what's that about?? well, he wanted me to have another round of chemo right away, like two days later. i hate chemotherapy. YUCK! that's so not even close to describing what it's like and how it makes me feel. and i still haven't found a way to trully describe how it feels to go through it, and what it's like afterwards. note to self..... work on that.
and i had mama drama while i was in the hospital too.... unfortunately. mom and dh (hear hubby) got into it in my hospital room in a major way!! yep. they did. i just sat here and erased several hours of typing. i went into detail about the situation with mom and dh, then mom calling my lil brother for explaination. and the drama over her borrowing my car, and other misallaneous crap that i'd put up with regarding her. well, i just erased it all. i sure did. and it was good too. funny, witty. but i erased it. it needed to be erased. why? because crazy is, as crazy does. there's no rhyme or reason to my mother. she is truly in her own fucked up world that's based on nothing that makes any real sense or logic when it comes to her family.... unfortunately. so, i figured i'd not bore you with it. now i know i'll hear from some of you (which reminds me to say that i'm working on getting my 'comments' section enabled for you all - and i thank you all for your feedback and kind words!), but, hey, i just can't use that energy on her ANYMORE. now this doesn't mean that i'm no longer going to tell you about the mama drama, because many of you know that it's just too good not to! lol!!
so, since i last wrote, ladybug started school - the first grade! she's really starting to grow up. i'm still very nervous about this. i don't know how to explain it. and on top of that, we're having issues with her new teacher, mrs. b. she's been a teacher for quite some time now, i think at least 25 years, but is new to our school. we met her for the first time at back to school nite and picked up right away that she's wound too tight. dh and i figured that she was a bit nervous since this is a new gig for her, and she's still learning the ropes. fine. but then the school work started coming home. talk about confusing! dh and i had to meet with her by the second week of school! she brought up some issues with lb that we are well aware of - we're more than aware of what our kid is and can be like. we're not the type of parents that insist that their child is a perfect angel as the kid burns down the school. we know lb is a social butterfly whose easily distracted. however, she's like that only under certain conditions. so we wanted to let the teacher know this. and that we are hands on parents that won't tolerate any rediculousness - from lb, her, or the school.
mrs. b acknowledge that, but then went on to add that lb has a tendancy to have what she described as 'meltdowns'. so after we got clarification on what that means to her, dh and i were disturbed, because that's just not something lb does. don't get me wrong. lb has meltdowns, she's 5 years old. but not at all what the teacher described. this troubled dh and i. we felt in our gut, after a gut check, that this just wasn't true. since then mrs. b has also suggested that there are other "minor behavioral issues" but when we've pressed her for specifics and when, she's unable to give us this info or totally downplays the incident. i am not comfortable calling her a liar. yet she has a 'way' of saying things that bugs the hell out of us. she doesn't give it to you straight.
in addition, we wanted her to know about my health situation. i don't like nor want special treatment for lb, however, i don't want her being penalized for things that are out of her control and are based on or due to my health. we asked mrs. b to look out for any changes with lb in her school work or behavior for us as well.
so since so much of what dh and i feel our issues are are intagible, feelings, we figured we'd focus on what is tangible - school work. which we discussed at that meeting in august. at the time lb needed to work on her handwriting, which we knew (she writes too fast because she wants to write like a grownup, we told mrs. b.), and she needed to just slow down and focus. the teacher said she was missing words, or skipping words and or problems. remember, this i the second week of school (school stared august 23rd, our meeting was august 28th!!). i reminded mrs. that she was just coming from summer vacation, that she was a pm kindergartener before, and that she was 5 (!!!). i mean really, come on!!!!
well, we ended it with a mini plan regarding the school work and working on the attention span, again, she's 5. dh and i just didn't feel right about the teacher then and still don't. so like i said, we just focused on her school work, and she improved significantly, i mean really! and she was already doing first/second grade work (reading and phonics, not math so much).
but she is stressed out by school and expressed to us that she's scared of the teacher, feels the teacher is not very nice, but likes the assistant. also, they don't have desks, and eventhough they change sitting assignments, she spends several weeks at a time sitting and working with a few kids that terrorize her. which we'd already made mrs. b aware of who they are. i'm so concerned because she's stressed by school, not my health, and it's too early in the game for her to loose the passion she has for learning.
help!! what do i do?!?!