yep. still here. two weeks later. i am trying to keep a good front, but it's gettin old. hell. it is old. i want so badly to go home. i ache for it. for home.
i thought i was checking out of hotel le hospital today, but the doc's, occupational/physical therapists, and even juan, feel i'm not ready. ok. that's fine. whatever.
so, i was about to vent about all that has been going on with me since i've been here. but, i don't know where to start. there's been so much. and, really, i don't know what good that will do anyway. because it's done. and i think you should only focus on not necessarily the good, but on the things you can do something about. and aside from walking the hell outta here, there's not much i can do about most of it.
however, i am going to talk a little bit about just how sick i had gotten earlier this week, because i am feeling like i need to vent. just vent. exhale. and because i tend not to vent much in my non blog world, and the fact that i'm cooped up in this room with such a great view and that it's a wonderfully glorious great weather day here in the bay area and i haven't been outside since glo was here last week.... i'm feeling pissy. so, here i go...
as i've mentioned in previous posts, i have a host of secondary issues related to my diseases (i'm only gonna say this once, so pay attention (denial? maybe, whatever) - interstitial pulmonary fibrosis, systemic lupus, lymphatic cancer, vaculitis, and suspected ms, affecting my heart, lungs, brain, connective tissue, and now most likely my bones), one of which is a tendency to 'throw clots', which means that for some reason my blood doesn't work right and tends to clot. that's not good because they can travel through the body, usually hitting the lungs (pulmonary embolisms), which is the problem i have. and i have an issue with healing normally because of all the immune suppression stuff going on (steroids and chemotherapy).
so with all that said, and with all the mixups with my medications - under dosing, over dosing, insuficient pain management due to misunderstanding of my diseases - i got really sick begining saturday. i just didn't feel right. i knew something was up, but i couldn't put my finger on it. come to find out, my INR levels (or "pro-time". it measures how fast, or not, your blood clots) were through the roof - 14.8. to put that into perspective for you, the normal range is 1-3, with 3 being a bit high, vitamin k intervention at 5. if it's too high then you run the risk of internal bleeding because your blood is too thin. and guess what? i began to bleed. yep. from just about everywhere but my ears. it took a minute for them to get me stable. they were too afraid to move me to icu, so they kept me in skilled nursing, which is a total misnomer!
juan and i talked and we are seriously thinking of checking the hell outta here. will keep you posted....
be well :)