Sunday, September 21, 2008
did i ever tell you....?
that the week leading up to, and the day before my surgery was plain just crazy. we had just gotten home from atlanta, and i had to jump right into all the pre-op prep for surgery seven days later.
in addition to that, i had to get all things ladybug ready - school, girl scouts, hot lunch - plus, she'd missed whole first week and 2 days of school, then promptly got sick and missed the rest of the second week of school. so i had to deal with her being home along with my figuring out hwo to get to my medical appointments. don't forget! i also had to sort through all the homework, classwork, candy sale deadlines, PTA committees (i'm on 2, plus am the PTG Board Parliamentarian), oktoberfest committees, and i got a few clients in there somewhere. plus all the little stuff in between. whew.
so, that was from thursday 9/4 to wednesday 9/10. but see, wednesday was a mess all in itself.
got that morning all ready to conquer my list of things 'to do' (many of you know that i live by my list, and it's a running joke!) in order for me to be prepared to head off to surgery and beyond. so the anal december capricorn that i am was cruising along, right on time with getting ladybug off to school. 7:40am, heading out the door with time to spare (school is less than 3 minutes away if i catch all 3 stop lights - yes!). sitting in my T5 all ready to get my fix, i tell ladybut to buckle up and hand her the garage door opener (it's her 'thing'). then.... no, No, NO! my baby won't start!!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
she cranks. but never catches. shit. i've got to get ladybug to school, then my 'to do' list. we unbuckle and head back inside. i call around and finally find someone to get her for me. one of my dear, dear 'big sis's' BOTW. she swoops in and saves the day! well, morning. now, what the hell is going on with my baby? i've got so much to do!
well, at some point in the day, i managed to call the dealership and gieco insurance for tow service (can i say how much i love gieco?!?) to get her towed in. what struck me though was that i actually began to cry as the tow guy (a cuttie too) began hooking her up. you all already know how much i love her, have a most unusual relationship with her.
i'm babbling on and on... it's the drugs, sorry. i'll cut to the chase.
that was the first big issue that opened the door. what drained me completely and left me spent was my truely beloved, beloved dog malik. later in the evening, again, after an incredibly crazy day, my first baby had a crisis. i haven't told any of you what the deal is with him, so here you go. he's a huge (188lbs) alaskan malamute that we've had for 13 years. he's the first dog juan and i got 'together', eventhough i had no say so. it was all his decision. his dog. well, somehow over the years, malik and i have developed this incredible bond (all you dog people/pet parents know what i'm talking about!!). no, i'm not the kind to let 'em kiss me in the mouth, or feed them from my fortk at the table. but i love him. he might be in the bed if he were'nt almost 200 pounds and so hairy and slobbery. since i've been sick, i fell that that bond has gotten even stronger. i'm in the house all day long and he's there with me to keep me company. to let me vent. laugh, cry. he's my partner. and i love him. and like ladybug, there are few words to truly describe how i feel about him.
earlier this year we discovered that he has some type of cancer in his abdomen. the vet said that we could take him up to uc davis for surgery, and at that point they'll know if he can be helped - given a few more years, of if we'll have to put him down - right then. i was beyond upset. i didin't understand. he was still quite spry, bouncing around with lots of energy, very playful. nothing like a 13 year old dog. i decided that we wouldn't do the surgery, that we'd take it one month at a time. that was in february of this year. in the last month he's lost the pep in his step. he drags one of his hind legs due to the tumor i guess. and in the last couple weeks, he's really not eating. only about less than a half of coup of dry food, and then i have to drown it in rice and broth or gravy. he's lost quite a bit of weight. i worried about him the whole time i was in atlanta.
so, fast forward to the day before my surgery..... i'm in the house working on one of my to do lists and i hear this awful, nails on a chalk board, yaowl. it was awful! malik has somehow missed the small step up too the grassy area of the kitchen patio, and got himself stuck against the porch step. i still don't know how it happened, or why he was stuck. but he was. he couln't get himself up and he was in terrible pain.
i rushed out to try to turn him, but the more i pushed and pulled, the more he yelped and yowled. oh my heart was breaking! i tried so hard to get him up, he still wieghed at least 130lbs. i ran upstairs and got my long beach towel and somehow got it up under him, and around his hind legs. i would pull and tell him 'up malik'. he tried, but them it got to a point where he had nothing to give me. oh my heart. i closed my eyes, said a prayer, and gave it all i had.
and it worked. i got him up, but he couldn't stay up. i fell. i got up, and got him up again, positioned him just so, but he still wasn't able to stand up. so he layed down, and i sat next to him, and cried. i cried my heart out. i cried for him, my car, ladybug, and for myself. i cried hard.
i whispered in his ear not to leave me. not yet. i asked him to wait for me. and he's hanging in there. i told juan what happened and he said, "well babe, it's probably about that time for him". i got angry. but he's right. juan is right. like my 12year old yellow lab did when i was 20 years old, i have been expecting malik to 'tell' me when he's ready. he's not in any pain. still happy camper attitude, although a bit hard because he gets stiff, he's still able to get around. but juan is right.
as they rolled me into the surgery room, i was saying my 'see you later's to my daddy and juan, and the second to the last thing i said to him was that he had better not do a damn thing to malik until i get out of the hospital. and that i didin't care if it required life support!!!!
i am happy to report that as of today, malik is doing just fine.
be well :)