Monday, October 26, 2009
playing catch up....again
**** THIS POST WAS DONE EARLY MONDAY MORNING ****
well here i am playing catch up again. yeah, yeah, i know ~ it's been a looong while now. sorry. have had alot on my plate, and not. there were day's that i was desperate to blog. especially when there was some little milestone of ladybugs to share, or was needing to vent about something hubby or mommy dearest had done.
but i always come back to the issue i have with how much of me i'm comfortable with sharing. for someone who's happy to share, who shares so much with everyone else, i'm finding it hard to understand why it feels so awkward for me to share here. hmmm....
anyway, it has been an interesting few weeks for sure! the school year is in full swing for my ladybug, and third grade is proving to be a wonderful adventure for her (as well as hubby and i!). she's had her first book report due and it was so much fun! along with the report, she had to do a diorama of her favorite scene in the book. that meant she got to go crazy with all my craft stuff. she was in heaven, and the project was a success.
there's also been a fair share of mama drama as well. i don't think i've ever talked about my mommy (yes, i call her mommy still) and our relationship here in the blog, other than dropping hints like when i call her 'mommy dearest'. yes, it's a very difficult, stressful, and above all else, toxic relationship - one that i really don't like to talk about. not because it's painful, but just that, well.... now after the long pause for a few rounds of computer solitaire in (my name is angela, and i am a computer solitaire addict) i just took to re-evaluate what i was about to say, i realize that yes, it really is painful. there's alot there, and even more so because of what's happened recently, i'll get more into the situation very soon. again, it's just too difficult, and too long for me to share in this post. after all, i'm playing catch up!
so, my life coaching practice is usually pretty steady, but it's going ganbusters right now, which is great! i love what i do oh so very much. it blesses me in such a way that, honestly, i feel, helps keep me going. my clients honor me with their trust and confidence, and i can't tell you how much it humbles me. how i appreciate and hold sacred the relationships i've developed. but i still have tons of work to do! i've got to get my website up and running and i've given myself a deadline of the end of the year. no, i don't need that much time to get a website up, but, well....
well, i've got to start chemotherapy again. yep. here we go again. i was suppose to start last thursday, but got a last minute reprieve. two of my doc's were out of town and weren't going to be back in time. so they pushed it to tomorrow, well today, monday. they both want to be in town due to the fact that i often have a mild reaction to one of the chemo drugs i get.
did i pitch a fit as usual when i got the news that i had to start up again? nope. that's right. i was calm, cool and collected. no pouting, no negotiating, well yes, there was some negotiating (c'mon on, it's me!!). i did pretty good when they told me. and i just can't explain my reaction really. i don't know. it's like i'm in this fog. like "whatever".
bummed? yep. i'm about a week shy of 17 months since my last round of chemo. i was told i'd never make it past 20 months. then that i'd never be able to go more than 3 months without need regular chemo. so going back feels like stepping back. you know that saying.... 3 steps forward, 2 steps back... not sure if i should even be posting about it now because i'm feeling really crappy about having to do this. the timing sucks too. i'm in the middle of creating a few new workshops, there's some new business ideas, contracts, and new business i want to go after. i don't want to be sick over the holidays. and ladybugs birthday is at the end of november. ok, now i'm angry. and ready to fight.
well, it's 2:28 am now so i'd better get in the bed. enjoy these pics.
be well :p