this blog is about me. my truth. my
honesty & sometimes my denial. my experiences. my emotions,my highs and lows. as raw and open as i can be. just me. my health battles (whaddiya mean terminal??!!). my journey to discover my authentic self before time runs out. my evolution. the random thoughts that cross my mind, and the goings and comings of my sometimes hectic and not always interesting life! so grab a cuppa tea/java, or a glass of wine, get comfy, and vist for a while!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
done with chemo .... for now
*** DISCLAIMER ** This post is a major gabfest due to my being under the influence of some, 'ah-em' heavy duty DEA Class II and a few CLASS 1 legally prescribed drugs, please forgive, lol***
hey y'all! i am soooo high and full of energy!! it's the drugs for sure. i always HATE day two because it's the drug from hell, (truly!), but i'm usually pumped up on steroids and some seriously hardcore pain medication so i'm feeling good (jealous?? DON'T BE), and am bouncing all over the place like an atom, and can't shut up to save my life. juan hates day 2 as well, lol! but today was particularly hard, and i had a couple of crisis, so they had to "pump me up!"
and i had my ladybug there with me all day. so i hate to have 'issues' while she's within ear or eye shot. however, she's so damn good! i was writhing in pain and trying very hard not to let on just how bad it was. she was busy multi tasking with her DSi and watching I-Carly, i thought i was faking the funk by pretending to be on my laptop. well this girl began rubbing my arm, they gently stroked my arm down to my hand and clutched it perfectly. she rubbed it while saying "hang on mommy it will be ok, just squeeze my hand if you have to, i can take it because can take it". MY GOD. then my nurse came in and she motioned to her. the nurse, Ms. Pat, new what to do and when into action. she normally asks me what i want to do, but i think she took one look at ladybug and what she was doing (and with a straight face like this for damn sure aint her first rodeo), and sprung into action. i dont' think i've ever gotten my drugs so fast, lol! i swear, i just dont' believe this kid sometimes - her grace, her gentleness and gentility, her pure and honest compassion and empathy. and it's not just for me, because i'm her mom - she's like this with almost everyone/everything that she cares about, but not willy nilly.. she's like her dad, she doesn't like everybody, but knows how to be polite - thank God, because her dad doesn't, lol!
so, i'm done with day 4, which completes one round. yep, just ONE round of chemo is a total of FOUR infusions over a two week period. fun. around the time i started this blog, i was undergoing treatment either weekly, or every other week (every two weeks), PLUS weekly labs, MRI's, scans, pulmonary function tests, lugging around oxygen tanks, blah, blah, blah.... for almost a year and a half. i was EXHAUSTED. no... EXHAUSTED. and i felt the treatment was killing me faster than the diseases! and all while trying to maintain my life as i knew it (past tense at the time). so i, yes, I made an executive decision to terminate regular and what seemed to be infinite chemotherapy treatments primarily for the caner and severe lupus (cns/multi system-sle). i told them that i needed to give my body a chance to heal itself. i had enough training to know that that's what the body is designed and programmed to do. so we would only do chemo "PRN", which means "On An AS NEEDED BASIS". we set up the parameters for me, and it required additional 'regular' testing for monitoring the diseases and their symptoms, and it's sort of worked...so far i guess, hell, i'm still here and i'm way more pain, and i may have given my opportunistic diseases a window of opportunity, i'm having a helluva a better time now than before, lol! can't beat that!
there's so much more i want to talk about, and lord knows i've got WAAAY too much energy (does it register in this post??), i'm gonna stop here and leave you with some pics of my day. don't give up, there's alot of them so i'll try to break them up over 2 or three days.
i will for sure post tomorrow because i had a most Godly and divine experience today with another chemo patient...and i'm still processing it because it was so profound and meaningful and just a compete and utter blessing. i'm still so full from it (and yes, it all happened BEFORE i got loaded, just who do you think i am?)
up and around - as always!
not a good shot of my tricked out ride. it's still not cute!
not happy, no joy
happiness and joy
again, it was a busy day and there are more pics to come from it, so come back tomorrow ~ it will be worth it. have a good night, well a good morning - it's 2:33 am as i sign off.
be well my friends :)