Thursday, August 19, 2010

we are always where we are supposed to be

hey y'all, 

** no, i'm not high anymore, just feeling crappy **

as you know, i wrapped up a round of chemo yesterday and am home. i have alot to tell about just that day, yesterday, but will continue with an amazingly divine encounter i had yesterday with another chemo patient. 

i bee-bopped in, as i always do, chatty and glad handing the nurses (my buddies) and any patients if there, since i usually get there early to get my favorite bed. we all know why we're there, some having their last battle, some are scared newbies, most like me - in a kind of purgatory/hell/limbo. life being held hostage by disease, with no time to mourn because we have to fight. 

so as i was bee-bopping in, i noticed a young lady, seemed young, and clearly uncomfortable, aggitated. she was on the phone at the time so i didn't get a chance to do my glad handing. as juan got ladybug and i settled in and unpacked (i'm there for 6 hours depending), i could feel that young lady's spirit. uneasy, frustrated, scared, tired. 

juan hung around and we chatted, flirted. the nursed goofed around with ladybug while she had her breakfast. then, once he left, the nurses got me re-hooked up, i got my laptop up, and ladybug was engrossed with her DSi, it was just us and it got quiet. and that young lady's spirit was raging. 

i couldn't help watching her, out of the corner of my eye mind you - didnt' want to seem like i was stalking her form across the room. i could just feel something about to happen. like vibrations. then the rage caught up and came out as the nurses were hooking her up. she broke down. 

everything in me ached for her, so i jumped out of my bed, practically ripped the i.v. pumps plugs from the wall, and some how, made it over to her bed and climbed in. the heavy petting my fantabulous chemo nurses do just wasn't enough at that moment. that young lady needed to be held. needed to be told it really would be ok, that she could let it out, be angry, tired, frustrated, scared, but that she still has plenty of fight left because she's made it this far, too far, to just give up and in now. so i did just that. then i wiped her tears, held her head as she vomited. 

in that moment, we connected on a level i can honestly say i never had before. we didn't even know each others names yet. after introducing myself, i gave her round two of my little 'stock' pep talk, let her know that she's a fierce warrior who deserves a 'break'. a 'pity party' even, but that she had to get up when done. and if she felt she just couldn't, then to call me, and that i will help her. 

interesting thing though... usually we have a full house - all four beds. but this day, it was just us two. we are always where we are supposed to be, at any given moment.

yesterday blessed me. wiping her face, letting her crawl up in my little lap, that somehow was able to hold her (i'm not called tinybutt for nothing!), those moments blessed me. filled me. and i'm so thankful. thank you april.

life is good. life is amazing. and i love it!

be well :)

and of course there's pictures!

guess who showed up, out of the blue, with treats! i love my daddy

look at that feast - double burger AND nuggets!

happy camper

nap time. isn't that MY bed?!


Lovebabz said...

Your Dad is FINE!

You were the right Angel(a) that young lady needed. You are so right, we are indeed where we are supposed to be.

The picyures are GREAT! Look how big Ladybug has beautiful! I know there are rules about all that JUNK FOOD! LOL!

You are so loved. Adored.

Tough Cookie Mommy said...

Angela, your blog is so honest and I really appreciate it. I would love to e-mail you privately as we have a lot in common. My email is

Anonymous said...

Sweet website - I never noticed before in my google Keep up this great work!

Princess Tinybutt said...

@babz - hey there, pops was just asking about you! yes, he spoils us rotten!

@tough cookie mommy - thanks for your kind words, keep an eye out

@anon - thanks i will!

Mizrepresent said...

Hey lil lady, just checking up on you. Hope all is fine in your world and you are feeling better.

Her Side said...

Oh my. My eyes are full of tears. Many times the rest of us complain when called to help somebody while in full health.

Here you are, waging your own war, and you found the strength (in spite of your own fears) to help a stranger.

I admire that kind of fierce courage in the human soul. Beautiful blog!