uuuhhhhhG!!!
i just can't take this anymore. these damn hot flashes. they're truly hell sent and will most certainly be the means to my ruination i tell you!!
yes, hot flashes. "but, you're so young..?" you say. yeah, well..... chemotherapy induced menopause doesn't discrimate. and nothing i can do about it. nothing.
horomone replacement therapy? nope. i have 'throw' clots. would want a blood clot to hit my brain, or my heart, or my lungs. that wouldn't be good at all , lol! ok,, maybe not so funny.
like these damn hot flashes!!
i'm thinking of that moment in the movie "steel magnolias" when sally field's character M'lyn is having a rant at her daughter shelby's graveside about how bad she feels. she says she "I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna hit somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!..". that's how i feel.
no, of course i don't want anyone to be in my position. i don't want anyone to really feel like i feel. to be going through what i'm going through. hell, at times. it's the emotion of that scene, that's what i mean. that's how bad i feel.
yeah, yeah, i know there's all sorts information and resources out there about how to deal with them. soy. black cohosh. vitamin e. humor replacement therapy. accupuncture. yoga. etceterra, etceterra, etceterra.....
so what!! i'm angry!! there was no perimenopause. no easing up sideways to it. it came quickly. chemo came along, held a gun to my head, and forced me to take a running leap off a cliff'.... i'm not ready!!
well, i'm off now to take another quick shower before i go to bed and soak through another set of sheets.
be well :)
7 comments:
Hey, you can't face your pain if you can't tell the truth about it. Keep on pushing, sista. I don't know about you, but soy gives me stomach trouble. Since chemo tends to bring severe nausea in its bag...
God bless, lady. You're stronger than most.
Hopefully having your own private summers doesn't go on too long!
Of course one possible benefit to your ordeal is no mo Aunt Flo!
I hear you on the hot flashes! I think people don't really get how hard it is to find oneself in full blown menopause so suddenly and so young! I still have days when I suddenly find myself dripping with sweat! And I used to be cold all the time...
Oh, Ang, I wish we had talked about this today (we talked about everything else but this!) I started peri- at 40. Hot flashes, night sweats, I was miserable. I called my doctor, he was off that day. I said, "You give him this message word for word. If I don't get some hormones I am going to come down there and twist his head until it pops off. You tell him that." I got my hormones, and a long laugh on the phone, from my doc. Set me on the right track for 12 years. Now it's NOTHING and I love it!
hi new man! you are so right. thanks so very much, i really appreciate good thoughts!
hey 68! the term 'private summer' is a humongous understatement!! when glo says she wanted to squeeze her doctors head off?? i want to do more than that! as to aunt flo.. well, she was never an issue. i was one of those girls who didn't get her til mid 20's, and then 'flo' was only about 2-3days at most and very light.
your're so right laurie. it's hard for others to understand firstly, why i'm so young, which inevitably gets into my health. secondly, to go do hormone replacement, which if you're like me at all, i can't do because i 'throw' blood clots, as i think i've mentioned in previous posts.
thanks for coming by laurie!
hey glo! LOL!!!you are hillarious!! i wish i could do hrt, but i can't. swear i'm about ready to go get some from the black market or something!! go to planned parenthood, or someother doctor who wouldn't have access to my info!!! UUHHGGG!!!
:)
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