Thursday, July 31, 2008

unexpectetd anxiety

ladybug started city daycamp this week and cani tell you how excited i am?? i've had her all summer so far and i need a break!!

thank goodnes she loves the camp. it's not the fiasco that the summer drama camp had been a few weeks ago. she likes it because they're doing exactly what she wants to do - play all day, rip and run outside, swim, and go on little mini adventures around the neighborhood. yes!!

the only thing is that once a week, on wednesdays, they take an 'out of town' field trip. they're not really going far at all, it's just that they're leaving our little town, and to little kids, it's 'far'.

so ladybugs group went to the oakland a's game yesterday. can i tell you how anxious and nervous i was? and how i was trying to figure out how i could go too? why? well, the thought of her being that far away without me, juan, my mom or dad warching over her. protecting her. and, yes, even the possibility of something happening to her. (my mind actually went there! yikes) i was almost sick.

i asked the counselors in charge who all was going, how many real adults where going, how old were they, how long have they been couselors, and how were they getting to the game. yep, i sure did do that. i found myself being a nervous ninny mom, and so what.

and you know what else i did? i sat there in the parking lot, in my T5, for an hour and 45 minutes, waiting til they left for the game. yep. i did. and, when the buses came, i wrote down the name of the company, and bus id numbers, license plate numbers, and the description of the drivers. i felt a bit better to see that the drivers were female. i don't know why. interesting.

you see, she's it for me due to this damn disease. i find myself fighting myself, trying to keep myself from getting this way whenever she leaves me. this fear, really. fear of losing her because she's it for me. and because she's it for me, is why god made her so perfect. perfect for me. and this life situation we've found ourselves in.

so yes, i did that. and i don't care. i felt so much better in having done it. i love and treasure her. she (along with hubby) is my life. so... so what!

:)

see ode to ladybug

4 comments:

Lovebabz said...

Girl,
I feel you. I have 4 and this is it for me! I did not birth any of them, but so what. I could not love them more. I could not love them more if I birthed them all.

You are a mother and with that comes a commitment to her well-being. Never apologize for being connected to your child. Never apologize for letting folks know you ain't having no nonsense. See that is the difference in a dilligent parent and one who goes along with the status quo. Fuck That!

Question anyone who has acess to the care and concern of your child.

Princess Tinybutt said...

thanks for that babz. and as i type, what do you think starts to play? lauryn hill's "to zion". how aprapeu?

glo429 said...

Ha ha, oh, I know this drill well! When Sara started kindergarten at a Christian school, and was going on her first field trip, I called the office and asked what they knew about the driver... did they know his background, did they know if he had a prison record, did he drink, what did they know about him?

After a pause, they told me the driver was the principal, Mr. Wells!

LOL! She was in good hands.

It's ok to be on top of this, our children are our treasures!

Princess Tinybutt said...

i am so glad that you agree with me. and then i won't feel bad in saying that the following weeks field trip i did the exact same thing, only, i actually sharpied all of our contact info (including my parents!) all over her body!! ladybut LOVED that! lol!!