Monday, June 23, 2008
is it thursday yet?
look at ladybug. she spent all day with me getting chemo and she loves it! (??) go figure. she loves the juices they give, and seeing all the medical stuff - the pumps, the beeping, the bubbles in the tubbing, seeing the blood, the needles, the blue gloves (her favorite!). she's so good and my god do i love her!
look at that face! i have no reason nor excuse to be crappy becasue look at what i have to be so very thankful, no, greateful for. we laughed, giggled, told jokes, played 'i-spy' ("i spy something clear with bubbles that's gonna make you throw up mommy"), and drank juice. my daddy came by to bring her some mc donalds.. not at all what we chemo-heads wanted to see or smell! lol!!
what a blessing to be able to have fun with my child while getting chemo. god is great. what the hell do i have to complain about?!?!? no, its not fun to get stuck (for the port) without lidocaine (oouch!). to feel your energy leave your body like air. to lay with your child as she takes a nap, watching her, listening to her breathe. wishing it was my breathe too. god she's beautiful.
ok, i'm babbling. why? really? i don'g feel good. really? i feel like crap. well, more than crap. this round has knocked me on my ass and i wasn't expecting it too. i always think it's not going to kcock me on my ass. what's that about? can somebody tell me what was i thinking? uuhh make it stop. i just want to get to thursday. no real reason realy. it's just when i think i'll feel better. i'm so green. uhg. ok, enough whining. no more whining.
back to the toilet....
be well :)
ps... am quiet nervous about showing this much of 'me'