Monday, June 23, 2008

is it thursday yet?


look at ladybug. she spent all day with me getting chemo and she loves it! (??) go figure. she loves the juices they give, and seeing all the medical stuff - the pumps, the beeping, the bubbles in the tubbing, seeing the blood, the needles, the blue gloves (her favorite!). she's so good and my god do i love her!

look at that face! i have no reason nor excuse to be crappy becasue look at what i have to be so very thankful, no, greateful for. we laughed, giggled, told jokes, played 'i-spy' ("i spy something clear with bubbles that's gonna make you throw up mommy"), and drank juice. my daddy came by to bring her some mc donalds.. not at all what we chemo-heads wanted to see or smell! lol!!

what a blessing to be able to have fun with my child while getting chemo. god is great. what the hell do i have to complain about?!?!? no, its not fun to get stuck (for the port) without lidocaine (oouch!). to feel your energy leave your body like air. to lay with your child as she takes a nap, watching her, listening to her breathe. wishing it was my breathe too. god she's beautiful.

ok, i'm babbling. why? really? i don'g feel good. really? i feel like crap. well, more than crap. this round has knocked me on my ass and i wasn't expecting it too. i always think it's not going to kcock me on my ass. what's that about? can somebody tell me what was i thinking? uuhh make it stop. i just want to get to thursday. no real reason realy. it's just when i think i'll feel better. i'm so green. uhg. ok, enough whining. no more whining.

back to the toilet....

be well :)

ps... am quiet nervous about showing this much of 'me'


Lovebabz said...

No matter what you say about being sick, YOU LOOK STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL! I eman supermodel beautiful!

Ladybug looks so much like Juan that he could have birthed her alone...LOL!

It is good that she isn't afraid to be with you. It is good that she just hangs in. She is a remarkable child. And cute as a button!

Lance said...

it's good that you're allowing ladybug to be apart of this process. but i think it's God's way of letting you know that everything is going to be okay because lauren camille is your guardian angel 0;-)

thoughts, prayers, hugz & kisses from the blogspace

CapCity said...

lady bug will prolly grow to be a doctor since she's so comfy with all the exposure. God KNOWS u are a blessing, Sistah Princess! U make this REAL shyt look SO LIVABLE. Just when folk think all hope is lost - u PROVE that for LIVING we're BORN! THANK u for sharing so much of yourself & your experience!! HUGZZZ!!!

Princess Tinybutt said...

hey guys :) yes, she LOVES being at the hospital!! it's amazin really. she gets upset if i'm not there for chemo,just labs, because she it means she doesn't get to 'hang'. she's funny. and i thank god for her. thanks for the love :)

Princess Tinybutt said...

oh yeah babz, and about ladybug looking JUST like juan.... i know, i know!! he gets the glory! i really want to say somethng smart ass about it, but... hey. she's still MINE!!!

Anonymous said...

Let her look like Juan, you got to carry her. 10 extra months of bonding with that new heart under your heart! Her love for you must be a huge hug of support for you when you go through your chemo. Thank God for her! Love, Glo

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

almost sista
u looking good
and the lil one looking ready to run thangs

Shai said...

Wow! Dr. Ladybug sounds good.

You are glowing and beautiful, I would not know from the pics you were not feeling well.

God bless you.

Princess Tinybutt said...

hey glo, shai, and t!! i somehow missed these comments?? must have posted these during my chemo haze, lol!!

glo - yes, i'm with you glo! she can look like him all she wants to, her heart is MINE!!

T - thanks, and yes, ladybug is ALREADY running things! lol!

shai - thanks so much!